Today’s Aldi Special Buy has bargain hunters like myself losing their minds. The budget supermarket are selling those human-sized bubble balls for a measly $29.99. I have spent more than that on a singular cocktail. Yes, that cocktail was a mistake.

This excellent buy started today, so you might have to fight off your local bargain hunter for a last-minute grab tomorrow morning. But if you’re a desperate bubble boy-wannabe like me, it’s worth the risk.

Do I need a giant inflatable wearable sphere? Absolutely fucking not. But will I buy one and roll down my hallway like Violet Beauregarde? You bet your damn blueberries, I will.

Violet Beauregarde
Me rolling away from the haters in my bubble ball.

For context, these bad boys usually retail on eBay for around $60-100, so as your neighbourhood cheap bitch™, I am here to inform you that this is a certified bargain.

I simply must have one of these glorious inventions.

Obviously, the Kmart mums and fellow cheap bitches on Facebook loved the deal, with over 80,000 comments, 8,000 likes and more than 1,500 shares in less than a day. What did I tell you? People will buy anything if you tell them it’s on sale.

The balls inflate to a whopping 121cm diameter, which is roughly the length of a small child, I think, depending on the child. They also come equipped with grips and shoulder straps if you’re going to indulge in a little game of human dodgeball.

As long as you’re taller than 110cm, you’re ready for some ballin’.

The possibilities are endless with this glorious invention. You will get precisely 32 minutes of fun before you inevitably land on a stick or another sharp object and pop your bubble, but for $29.99, what can you really expect?

I’m not a psychologist, but I’m convinced these bubbles will solve all of my problems.

Unpaid bill? Talk to the bubble.

Need to vent your anger? Would you look at the time, it’s bubble o’clock.

Bored? Bubble.

Significant other really giving you the shits? Sorry, I can’t hear you, I’m in my bubble.

simpsons bubble boy

If you need me, I will be desperately searching every searching every Aldi in Melbourne to scavenge one of these bad boys. If you’re interested in becoming an IRL bubble boy with me, I’d suggest giving your local store a call to check stock levels because I’m sure these were rolling out the door today.

Image: Aldi