In news that I’ve only just emotionally begun to process, authors of the Global Burden of Diseases study have found that folks aged between 15—39 should technically not be drinking alcohol at all. Yes, literally never. Excuseeee me?

A term of scientists at the University of Washington in Seattle has put their big brains together to conclude that approximately 1.34 billion people on planet earth consumed a dangerous level of grog in the year of our lord 2020. Note, that was THE pandemic year but that’s still a bonkers number.

The study was published in the peer-reviewed journal The Lancet.

“Our message is simple: young people should not drink,” said lead researcher Dr Emmanuela Gakidou who is apparently on a mission to crush all of our collective dreams.

“While it may not be realistic to think young adults will abstain from drinking, we do think it’s important to communicate the latest evidence so that everyone can make informed decisions about their health,” as per Guardian Australia.

Well, she’s damn right about one thing — how committed we are to selectively hearing health advice that best suits our lifestyle. Especially when it comes to alcohol and donuts.

“As individuals shift to over age 40 but particularly to over age 60 and 70, some of the predominant risks to their health have to do with ischemic heart disease and stroke, and also diabetes.”

“What we have found is that a small amount of alcohol can actually be protective for those conditions,” Dr Gakidou continued as per the ABC.

Okay so let me get this straight. If you’re in your twenties right now, you’ll need to wait at least another 40 years to safely consume a beveragino?

Well according to the statistics, Aussies are actually consuming less alcohol anyway so it might not be that much of a stretch.

In 2018 the “apparent consumption of alcohol was 9.5 litres per capita—a decline since 2008 when it was 10.8 litres per capita,” according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare.

Each to their own I guess… I’m off to the gym (pub).

Image: Quinn Rooney via Getty