A 74-year-old man has been sentenced after sideswiping another driver’s car and then claiming he was a member of the “special police,” with a badge, red light on his car, et al.

According to the Adelaide Magistrates Court, via Adelaide Now, on the 16th September 2019, Kenneth William McCann was driving on Morphett Rd in Morphettville, South Australia, and involved in a “cat-and-mouse interaction” between himself and another driver.

McCann side-swiped the other driver’s car, “push[ing] the car out of his lane into a turning lane.” The driver then chased after him until he pulled over, which is when McCann tried to pull the wildest of stunts and claimed to be a member of the “special police.”

“During that exchange, you pulled out a badge which said ‘special police’ on it,” magistrate John Wells said.

“The other driver laughed that off, saying that’s not a real police badge.”

The court also heard that McCann’s car had the words “polizei” written on it, which is German for police, and, uhhh, a big red light in the back of his car.

I’m sorry, where did this man find all of this? Does he just… have that in his car? Is any of it real? Did he buy all of it off a dodgy costume store or what? I have so many questions.

“Soon after you rang the other driver, you said, ‘I’m a sergeant and one of my officers has hit your car, just get a quote and I’ll take care of it,” Wells said.

“The other driver recognised your voice and said, ‘is this Ken?’ And you said, ‘no, it’s not me.’”

PLEASE. The police sirens in my brain are going ballistic at this. Why does this all feel like a scene out of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Hearing reports that eye-witnesses have spotted the man also dressed like a clown.

Surprising absolutely no one who just read the story above, the court heard that McCan has a “poor driving history,” including doing burnouts and being previously found guilty of assault.

“The footage I have seen shows your driving was dangerous and deplorable,” Wells added.

“I am more than 20 years younger than you, it feels odd for me to say this to you but you need to grow up.”

McCann’s lawyer, Con O’Neill, said that his car had previously been used in an antique car show and claims that that’s why it had the words “polizei” on it.

“He was irritated and angry with the other driver’s behaviour,” O’Neil said.

“He’s an old fool for doing that and he knows that.

“He spends his weeks volunteering here, there, and everywhere, he has a very good name in the community.”

The police-impersonator—or, copsernator—was sentenced to two months and three weeks jail, with a two-year good-behaviour bond for $500. Old mate has also been prohibited from driving for two years and issued 120 hours of community service.

In what feels like the end of this absurdly Aussie episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the magistrate said, in what I’m reading in Captain Raymond Holt’s voice, at the end of the court hearing: “Let’s never meet again inside a courtroom.”