In the weirdest news to come out of Adelaide since that Big Bird costume was stolen, a mysterious vandal — presumably with a Spotlight loyalty card — has been improving (?) ads around the city with googly eyes. Now that, my friends, is modern art.

The googly eyes have been shared online by a few different Adelaide based accounts, with pics showing a KFC, Dan Murphy’s, and Jim’s Mowing van all with sizeable googly eyes.

Surely though, this is only the start of the Googly Eye Assassin (as I am formally dubbing them) and their additions to the vibe of Adelaide.

RIP giant Toys ‘R’ Us giraffe in Rundle Mall, you would’ve love to be googlified.

Adelaide City Council if you’re listening, as an Adelaide native I have many ideas for places that would be spiced up by a lovely pair of googly eyes:

Number one: the Rundle Mall Balls.

My artistic rendering of the Mall’s Ball with googly eyes.
Pic credit: Getty Images /
Morne de Klerk

Number two: the mechanical bull in the Woolshed on Hindley Street.

Number three: the big fuck-off metal pigeon statue in the CBD.

The identity of the Googly Eye Assassin is as yet unclear, but the fact that the googly eyes have appeared at a number of different locations in Adelaide has left me to conclude that this may in fact be a roving band of (literally) crafty bandits.

Sherlock Holmes, eat your hat.

I have so many questions, but the two main ones are why, and also, how?

Dan Murphy’s eyes are very high up: was this a sneak attack which took place in the dead of night? Do I need to call various Adelaide Bunnings’ and see who’s recently bought a very long ladder?

Where is the source of the googly eye supply? Do they have to be custom-designed? Can they only be found on the dark web?

So many question and yet, so few answers.

I cannot and will not rest until I know the identity of the culprit/s.

Image: Instagram: @justadelaidethings & @stacyfrogs