There’s a few social norms one must subscribe to when using ‘the internet’.
Unfortunately, this advice comes too late for our dear friend Kurt Eichenwald, an American journalist you might know as being the guy who had a seizure after a Trump supporter sent him an epileptogenic video (or as the centrist bloke online who peddles in conspiracy theories and seems to be increasingly detached from reality).
He tweeted a screenshot yesterday – the point of which is irrelevant – in which it was very quickly pointed out that he had a tab open to ‘B-Chiku‘, a 212-page hentai comic.
No bullshit Kurt Eichenwald had a giant hentai tab open in the background of his tweet pic.twitter.com/AgwH9fhrHF
— ?? Gnome?? (@memealchemy) June 8, 2017
Eichenwald has now spent the last six hours trying to own the fact that he was caught looking at hentai online.
It begins with this absolute pearler of a tweet, which should be placed in some kind of pointless museum for tweets:
Sigh. Ok, I’m a dumbass. Believe it or not, my kids & I were trying to convince my wife that “tentacle porn” existed. I tried to find…(1)
— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 8, 2017
And continues on with Eichenwald’s absolute insistence that he was only looking at hentai to prove to prove to his wife that tentacle porn exists.
…some to show her it was real. But I couldn’t find any – & ended up w/ this. My family reads my twitter feed, so they know this is true.
— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 8, 2017
…diff would it make? Seriously, while I don’t see the appeal of cartoon parn, porn is a multi-billion industry. Pple obviously look at it.
— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 8, 2017
Kurt even tweeted a screenshot of the text conversation that led him to this point.
No one hacked my account. We were searching to prove to my wife tentacle porn exists. See text convo. I only removed names and drug names. pic.twitter.com/EMHYlYKcPf
— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 8, 2017
As large sections of the internet have pointed out, if you were trying to prove the existence of tentacle porn, wouldn’t you just Google ‘tentacle porn’???
Kurt eventually appeared to have had enough.
Ive got nothing left to say about this. Believe what I say or dont. Think my family has odd conversations (we do) or don’t. So it goes.
— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 8, 2017
But as it turned out, he DID have a bit left to say.
Wow. Just checked back in. Still getting trolled hard. At least this time it’s funny and I deserve it for setting this off myself.
— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 8, 2017
You know it’s an interesting day when even your own kids are trolling you. They think this whole thing is hilarious.
— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 8, 2017
Kurt, buddy, you just absolutely cannot own this.
While some troll jokes today have been great, disturbing thing is all the ppl reacting in horror that my adult kids and I talked about porn.
— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) June 8, 2017
Honestly though, the Kurt Eichenwald / tentacle porn drama was just a great time to be online.
Me: Whew. Now that Comey is done, I can finally get back to work.
Kurt Eichenwald: Hold my tentacle. pic.twitter.com/ioxOTaoZM4
— Johnny McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) June 8, 2017
kurt eichenwald: tentacle porn exists honey
kurt eichenwalds wife: kurt can we just have one night please
kurt: *already has 6 tabs open*
— lawyer w polisci deg (@sexualjumanji) June 8, 2017
born too soon to explore the galaxy
born too late to explore the seas
born just in time to hear kurt eichenwald explain tentacle hentai
— MC@kawakami’s lap (@commiesona) June 8, 2017
the old “proving to my wife tentacle porn exists” excuse.
— Box Brown (@boxbrown) June 8, 2017
As PR experts often say, “If you’re explaining that you were only showing your family tentacle porn, you’re losing.”
— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) June 8, 2017
So @kurteichenwald claims that he was just trying to prove to his wife that tentacle porn exists.
The porn he bookmarked has no tentacles. pic.twitter.com/ngojflSXCI
— Michelle Catlin ?? (@CatlinNya) June 8, 2017
Kurt Eichenwald – “No but seriously I had to visit an obscure hentai website to prove tentacle porn existed”
The entire internet – pic.twitter.com/QZnFlOzYxu
— TooManyCucks (@OHIsBack) June 8, 2017
Photo: B-Chiku / Kurt Eichenwald.
