In news you’ll definitely be glad to read about over your lunchtime, the town of La Crosse in the US State of Wisconsin has itself a little bug problem at the moment, with the town copping an apocalyptic swarm of mayflies.

That’s not hyperbole, either. There are so goddamned many flies there right now. How many, you ask? The freaking swarm showed up on weather radars.

The mayflies normally chill on the surface of the nearby Mississippi River for a year or so feeding off organic waste. But then all of a sudden they explode out of there to find somewhere slightly less damp in which to mate rabidly, before returning to the water to lay eggs and die. Time is of the essence here too, as they only have a life span at this stage of around 48 hours. So it’s currently a balls-to-the-wall turbo-charged mayfly root fest in La Crosse.

There’s so many of these things that they literally cover everything. And I’m going to stop you there, because I worry what you just heard was that the flies cover a lot of things. What I said was that the flies cover EV-ER-Y-THING.

Oh dear GOD.

Sweet merciful crap.

NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. NOPE. NO THANK YOU. NOPE.

Excuse me, conductor? I’d like a one way ticket on the FUCK THIS SHIT EXPRESS all the way Nopesville please and thank you.

Police reckon the flies have already caused a 3 car pile up on a highway.

In unrelated news, Stephen King just got a great new idea for a horror novel.

Photo: Peter Kohalmi via Getty Images.