It sounds petty when viewed from the outside, but anyone whose ever been a victim of it will agree it’s not an overreaction to state that stealing other people’s food from the work fridge is a crime that should be punishable by waterboarding.

A missing slice of New York Cheesecake from the communal fridge at the BBC Newsroom in London has sent the entire place into a tailspin, with passive aggressive note topping passive aggressive note as the saga threatens to tear the very fabric of the media organisation in twain.

After the initial theft, the original owner of the delicious treat took to note posting to express their extreme displeasure.

As a viewer of many a note-posting incident, usually they simply end there. People make snide remarks about either the note or the act of food theft in private chat windows on the work communicator, and it all fizzles out within a day or so.

Not at the BBC, though. Not by a long shot.

Oh good! Someone’s decided to fix things here by “there’s bad people on both sides, actually” the whole ordeal. Great. That’s worked gangbusters in other parts of the world.

Fortunately, with the olive brach of extra cheesecake being placed in the fridge, the original cheesecake theft victim should surely be placated and this nasty business can be put to bed, right? Right?

WRONG.

SOMEBODY STOLE THE REPLACEMENT CHEESECAKE.

THE BASTARD.

Those innocent bystanders caught in the crossfire of this vicious battle have already begun swearing their allegiances, pointing fingers, and outright preparing for the clearly impending apocalypse.

Oh, the humanity!

This is how it starts. First, someone’s cheesecake gets nicked from the work fridge. The the economy collapses. And before you know it we’ve all got life clock crystals embedded in our hands awaiting the day we turn 30 and get shipped off to Caroussel.

Dark days are comin’. Dark, dessert-less days.