Nudist beaches are a pretty solid idea; there aren’t a lot of places you can go to tan the underside of your dick that aren’t a) exxy tanning salons or b) illegal. They are very weird, though.

In an ideal world, nudist beaches would be full of hot young people with the kind of bodies that would make Dolph Lundgren feel insecure, but, in reality, they are like 10% that and 90% extremely hairy middle-aged men who stare at you like they are a hungry person in an old-timey cartoon and you just appeared to turn into a hotdog.

While I’m of the opinion that they are harmless at worst, that’s not a universally held opinion. The ‘Sunshine Coast Daily‘ ran an article today about an outraged punter who is sick to death of these clothesless degenerates nuding it up on his local beach.

Jason Bowker has a holiday home near Coolum‘s unofficially nudist Third Beach and, after an encounter with a bunch of naturists on Sunday, he’s campaigning for cops and the council to get the attendees to put their balls away.

Nudists had been flocking to Third Beach after cops on the Sunny Coast started cracking down on nudity in Noosa‘s A-Bay.

Bowker happened upon two people having quote-unquote “full blown sex” and was not bloody chuffed about it:

“I didn’t find it too offensive when people were sitting on the beach, mostly naked, but I did find it offensive when they were sitting on the beach blatantly fornicating. 

“It was not discreet, it was a bit of showmanship. Another couple were on the beach heavy petting.”

Heavy petting, Christ, what is this world coming to. Interestingly, it seems like he’s not just against nudist beaches, but also nudity, and also sex:

“As far as I’m concerned, nudity promotes promiscuity. From what I’ve just seen, it encourages people to become sexually active and I am 1000% percent against this.”

Considering that in the article it mentions that he has kids, it’s probably fair to assume he is actually at least 1% for sexual activity, but who knows.

He also reckons that nudist beaches are cultural, and while that shit might fly in other countries, it has no place in the proudly pro-clothing Australia:

“It seems to be different in Europe where (nudity) is just part of a culture and is not sexually orientated.

“We are not like that. I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination and I find nakedness in Australia is linked to sexuality and I’ve clearly witnessed it.”

Seems like even a small stretch of the imagination could actually find him a prude, but hey, I’m not here to judge (I am doing it though). He’s also not open to the idea of going elsewhere:

“People say ‘don’t go there if you don’t like it’, bloody oath, it’s my closest beach and its a beautiful environment, of course I’m going there.”

Having to walk a bit further to get to the beach from your holiday home must be truly traumatising, my heart is breaking for you, mate.

Source: Sunshine Coast Daily.