First up, big ups to the ABC, Q&A, and Tony Jones for not shying away from the hectic week they’ve had in the media. As a introduction to the show, Jones apologises, and outright acknowledges that it got a bit gnarly, their editorial department made a boo-boo, and that if they’d known about Zaky Mallah‘s dickhead tweets about sexually assaulting journalists Rita Panahi & Miranda Devine, they wouldn’t have accepted his application to ask a question on the show. We cool? Yeah Tony, we cool. 

Aaaaand go. Tanya Plibersek seems really chill and says she’s stoked that the ABC gives everyone the opportunity to have a voice, even if she personally disagrees with them. I wish Plib would talk a bit faster and less disjointed though, she sounds like she doesn’t know how she’s going to end every sentence that she begins. 

Oh, I forgot about this Paul Kelly. When people talk about Paul Kelly, I always assume they mean the Adelaide musician. But that’s not a great alternative really, I suppose. Why does this Paul Kelly (the editor-at-large for The Australian) say words so weirdly? I can’t focus on the point he’s making, because he just said ‘arz-sennel’ and ‘chi-hay-dists’ instead of ‘arsenal’ and ‘jihadists’. 

He reckons Q&A is just ‘gotcha’ moments now, and that Zaky Mallah didn’t want to have an actual discussion. I suppose that’s an okay point, but it would be great if he maybe re-did the lingustics component of the journalism degree he got in approximately 1912.

I’ll be honest, Tim Wilson seems to be a bit more of a rude douchebag than you’d expect from someone who is a Human Rights Commissioner. “I think you and the ABC should be ashamed, you gave him a platform on live TV!” Yes, they did. Does he understand what the point of Q&A is?

Wilson keeps trololololing on about when he first came on Q&A it had integrity, and there was ‘rational discussion about policy’, and now it’s just full of ‘gotcha’ moments to boost ratings, and last week’s episode was one of those moments that happened to blow up in the ABC’s face. I’ve honestly forgotten everything else he said because all I noted down for the rest of this segment is ‘Tim Wilson is a huge douchebag tbh’.

Why are we now discussing who brought up the issue of national security legislation first? Why does it fucking matter who said it first? I think Tanya Plibersek and Tim Wilson might actually kill each other after the show. I’d love to let you know how the conversation progressed regarding this point, but it was literally just five minutes of the panellists yelling over one another. 

You’re incorrect! No you are! Wrong! False! WRONG WRONG NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID, WRONG! etc. etc. 

Thank fuck Anna Aly interrupted Wilson to stop him saying that Zaky Mallah is ‘a representative of the Muslim community’. He’s not, no one elected him, he does not speak for all Muslim people. He is a Muslim person who spoke about his personal experience. He doesn’t represent every single Muslim person and community. 

Bless Aly‘s and Laurence M. Krauss‘ hearts for also mentioning the fact that white supremacists have been responsible for more terrorist actions that Muslim radicals. Glad to hear it said on national television, rather than the scaremongering that usually exists. That’s a good reminder for why the ABC is so important, amirite? 

I do feel sorry for the dude in the audience that asked a question about the implementation of deradicalisation, because Aly said about 30 words on it after complimenting him on his question choice, then after that, literally not one other person even attempted to clearly answer it. Maybe Tony Jones is losing his touch at making snarky remarks at people if they go too far off topic. 

Speaking of staying on topic: Paul Kelly hasn’t actually answered a question yet; he stutters for a bit every time (it seems like he’s forgotten the question) then just talks about how the ABC should apologise, then always mentions Malcolm Turnbull and how nice he is to the ABC? Has he had a stroke? Maybe he’s upset Turnbull turned down the invitation to be on the panel. Shout out to Plibersek for this zinger though: ‘Malcolm Turnbull is such a good friend of the ABC, that he cut 500 million from its budget!’

Oooh, super adorable question from a young woman to Plibersek about 1) Bill Shorten admitting he lied about knowing about the Rudd/Gillard debacle, and 2) whether the way Julia Gillard was treated will also happen to the second female Prime Minister, and 3) whether Shorten should just step down now and let Plib take the reigns. CUTE. I can’t wait to hear Tanya’s answe… Oh Paul Kelly’s interrupted again. Something about political morality being separate from personal morality. Lie effectively, or some shit? Disassemble? What is he talking about? Give someone else the damn airtime, isn’t it his bedtime yet?

OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE RELIGIOUS CHILD WITH A PERIODIC TABLE ON HIS SHIRT, HE WANTS TO BE A THEORETICAL PHYSICIST JUST LIKE KRAUSS! 

But now Krauss is telling him his God doesn’t matter. Yeesh. That’s a bit brutal. This kid looks crushed and my heart hurts as much as Aly’s brain does when someone brings up black holes. At least Krauss had the empathy to backtrack just a lil’ and say that organised religions’ doctrines don’t align with scientific fact, but you can have both if you want to. 

Tim Wilson always sounds so flustered when it comes round to him; it’s like a car crash you cannot look away from. He’s talking about how in terms of science vs religion, people should always be entitled to their views… WAIT A SECOND. 

Yep, Tony Jones picked up on Wilson’s complete hypocrisy from his earlier point that the ABC ‘should be ashamed’ for giving Zaky Mallah a live platform: “So when you say that all people are entitled to their views…”

FUCK. This Q&A is too meta for me, man. That was a black hole within itself; I’m out.