It’s Gonna Be Forty Fucken Two In Melbourne On Friday So Who’s Keen To Die?

Just when you thought “wow can this summer literally get any hotter?” I’m here to tell you that unfortunately, yes. It absolutely can. And Melbourne, you’re the capital getting hit the hardest later this week.

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The Bureau of Meterology brought the good news late yesterday evening, confirming that the heatwave that we’re all currently schvitzing through is pushing the mercury up once again on Friday. Melbourne, and a lot of Victoria, is looking to cop the brunt of the heat, with predicted temperatures exceeding 45º inland, so uh good luck and stay inside with a heap of ice blocks I guess?

Put your best swampy-ass undies on, figure out the coolest spot in the house (probably the bathroom tiles) and leave a container of iced water out for the animals and local wildlife, because from what it looks like, Melbourne’s going to be sitting at a mondo-sweaty 42-45º, with the northwest of the state maxing over 45º. My friends, that is simply too hot.

Sydney looks to be hitting the high-30s, with the temps rising the further inland you are. Sorry but that huge dark red patch sweeping from what looks like Denilequin out and across to Renmark in South Australia and then up to Broken Hill and beyond just makes me incredibly overheated just thinking about it.

Thankfully, the heat should hopefully bugger off by the weekend, with a big ol’ south-westerly blowing through the southern states late on Friday.

Easily one of my favourite things in summer is waiting with bated breath for the forgiving southerly to roll through.  The moment that it hits is like jumping into the ocean, and you genuinely feel your whole body just relax into it. The blessed southerly is my best friend.

Despite the fact that the heat’s being turned right the fuck down on Friday evening, it’s always important to remember that the bit that actually gets you sunburnt – those bastard UV rays – will still be sitting at extreme levels right through the weekend.

So make sure you’re still being sun smart even when the heat has broken. Nobody wants a hectic sunburn this early into 2019.