Well here’s something I didn’t expect to write about today: Fire at a “herd services” facility in rural Victoria has lead to around 100 cryogenic cylinders full of ah… cow semen to explode, leaving firefighters and clean-up crews with one hell of a sticky situation.
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CFA officials were called to the fire at the Yarram Herd Services facility at around 3am last night amid reports of a blaze.
It took 10 firefighting crews some 2.5 hours to contain the blaze, a process that was severely complicated by the fact that the heat from the fire was causing pressurised vats of bovine jizz to, literally, blow. Reportedly, firefighters had to “dodge” the cylinders, which had become heaving projectiles of full of the ghosts of mechanical bull wristies past.
A fire has gutted the Yarram Herd Services building overnight, destroying around 100 cryogenic cylinders used to store cattle semen. Neighbours were woken by large explosions at around 3am. Firefighters had to dodge “projectiles”. More on @WINNews_Gip #gippsnews pic.twitter.com/1mnS6hoxmJ
— Bonnie Barkmeyer (@BonnieBarkmeyer) September 17, 2019
Fire investigators on scene following a blaze that completely destroyed the Yarram Herd Services building last night. Cause of the fire is still being investigated. More on @WINNews_Gip #gippsnews pic.twitter.com/Kyx1X2phV6
— Bonnie Barkmeyer (@BonnieBarkmeyer) September 17, 2019
According to the ABC, the heat caused the “liquid” – cow cum, it was fucking cum from cows – to rapidly expand inside the containers, which lead to the rather absurd situation where “essentially the lids of the cryogenic cylinders were just popping off the top and projectiles were being thrown from the building,” which caused firefighters to go into “defensive mode” due to the presence of LPG cylinders at a neighbouring property.
In case you were wondering (and why wouldn’t you) a cryogenic vat capable of safely storing an entire generation’s worth of bull baby juice is worth anywhere between $500 and $1,000 a pop. The semen itself varies in price according to quality. How much will a straw of top shelf Palmera party wee set you back? Anywhere from $5 to $95. That’s a fact you know now. Can’t unlearn in.
Speaking on the fire and the destruction of the vast amounts of spoof, Yarram Herd Services committee vice-chairman Aaron Thomas stated that the entire episode is a “huge blow.”
Can’t make this stuff up, folks. Ya simply cannot do it.
