You’ve probably noticed that we’re reporting live from Hell atm. Sure is hot out there, isn’t it? ISN’T IT?
If you’re anything like us and surviving today off coffee and sugar because getting one iota of sleep last night was nigh on impossible, then uh… sorry. That shit sucks.
We’ve hunted down the good, the bad, and the downright bonkers methods of keeping cool when you’re lacking in the air con department, and the laws of probability tell us at least one of them will work.
And tbh, anything’s better than this:
How To Stay Cool During The Hot Australian Nights
- ICE, ICE BABY. Stick a bowl of ice cubes in front of your fan and voila! Home-made air con. Alternatively, fall asleep spooning a frozen bottle of water.
- GET SOAKED. Stick a light towel and/or the pyjamas on your back and dunk them in cold water. The light towel should then be applied to your forehead; the pyjamas wherever you want.
- CHOOSE LIFE. CHOOSE COTTON SHEETS. Lightweight bed linens made of cotton are ideal for ventilation and airflow. Don’t go fucking around with flannel, k?
- FUCK A FRIEND WITH AIR CON.
idea for a better society: tinder replaces each person’s age with ‘has air conditioning yes/no’
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) January 16, 2017
Or, if your friend has only a shitty fan situation:
getting to that time of year when you have to do what we call a “queensland wedding night”: mutually masturbate because it’s too hot to fuck
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) November 12, 2016
- SHEET UP. Hang a wet sheet in front of an open window. I refuse to believe anyone has ever bothered to do this, but the internet tells me it is indeed a thing.
- FIX YOUR FAN, FAM. We published an article about how you’ve been using your fan wrong your entire life, which you almost certainly have. Study up.
- SPICE UP YOUR LIFE. Eat spicy food (like curries and chillies; not like sweet chilli sauce you weaklings) which can stimulate heat receptors in the mouth, enhance circulation, cause sweating, and cool the body right down.
- SHOWER NEKKED & COLD. A room temperature shower will cool you down without causing your body to generate heat afterwards to compensate (like a cold shower would).
- ALOE ALL OVER YA’SELF. Replace your moisturiser with aloe vera aftersun stuff to cool your bod down. The sun is basically in your room, anyway.
- DRINK THE PAIN AWAY. Actually, this is factually incorrect, and alcohol will do the exact opposite of cooling you down, but fuck science. Tinnies are mint.
Photo: The Shining.