10 “Grown Up” Things We Should All Probably Have On Lock By Now

Are you a happy-go-lucky young scamp who enjoys having a ~chill~ time and would rather spend your hard-earned minimum wage on eating out at a smug chic cafe, saving up for a indefinite holiday or great new fad activities (e.g. SUP)? If yes, we (figuratively) feel you, man.

There are certain things that only trial and/or error can teach you and, unfortunately for everyone here, being “a grown up” is just one of those things. And as such, it’s best to just masquerade as an adult by sporadically doing a few “grown up” things so everyone will just leave you be.

We’ve joined forces with Bingle car insurance (with us providing our words and them providing their expertise) to round up a list on which they naturally appear. What follows is by no means an exhaustive guide, but it’s a starting point that we personally have found helpful and will definitely get around to…eventually.

Holy crap is this ever boring but important. You’re a grown up person now – a real, life-size, no fooling adult – and taxes are the inevitable that binds us all, from the Kingliest of Kings to the Pauperiest of the Paupers. Everyone who works – and even those who don’t – pays taxes and thus, has to file a tax return. Is putting it off for several years the path of least resistance? And have we all done that? Yes. But, like, it’s your money, breh. You’re only hurting yourself.

If your casual job still pays you a total that is under the tax-free threshold, you can just download eTax, bung in your income and tax withheld and hit ‘No’ several hundred times til you got to “Submit.”

If you’ve got a proper-ish job you can’t do that anymore. And the ins and outs of taxation can be quite a bore. Lucky for you, there are nice people with great skills who can do this sort of thing for you. Just wing them a few bucks and they’ll sort all the annoying things out all good-like. Better still, if you’re lucky enough to be mates with someone who did Accountancy at Uni, you can totally pay them in mates rates (read: beer). 

Don’t think of it as doing a tax return. Think of it as cracking open a yearly savings account that you can use for whatever you damn well please.

Cars are giant pits in the ground for which to throw money in. The longer you own one, the less it’s worth, and the more you’ll have to spend on it. Having said that, it will change your life being able to get around everywhere and not have to rely on your parents finite generosity resources.

The smart move, if you do invest in some good old fashioned independence on wheels, is doing all you can to ease the sting of whenever things go unexpectedly bad, and that involves sorting out some car insurance. It’s not super hard to find the right insurance for you, and it’s probably more affordable than you might think. It’s worth doing your research and, luckily for us, with the power of The Internet that’s easier than ever; one option is the aforementioned Bingle car insurance.

Speaking from experience, having a minor crash with a BMW in your busted-ass 1989 Toyota whilst living off your Centrelink Student Allowance is i n c r e d i b l y  panic inducing (like, considering leaving the country in the dead of night types of stressful), financially ruinous and significantly eats into your goon fund. We actually cannot stress this enough: if you have a car, treat it right and INSURE THAT SHIT. 

 

This is a real good’un to have in the pocket, because it’ll save you from three hours on the side of a highway 50k’s out of Tittybong trying to wave down passing motorists or waiting for the nice man in the roadside assist car to show up.

Ideally you do not want your summer road trip interrupted by a pesky flat tyre. But if it does, knowing how to sort it out yourself turns what could be a delay of multiple hours into a mere twenty minute headache. Heck, it’s entirely likely that your car already carries everything you need to get the job done. Watch a couple of goofy YouTube videos on how to do it, or ask your Dad/Mum/brother/sister/general acquaintance who knows how to do things to show you. Life level up – you won’t regret it. 

By the time you’re actually a “proper adult,” you’ve probably accumulated a laundry list of jobs. Did you know that most – if not all – of those jobs have been contributing to your superannuation? But the likelihood of that collective retirement grease being in the one spot is very low, as different industries have different industry super funds looking out for them. So, it’s definitely in your best interests to figure out how to put all those stax in the one place. Retirement might be a hell of a long way off just yet but the more focus you put on it now, the greater your chances of blowing out of the yawn factory and hauling ass around the country in your sick, tricked out Winnebago sooner rather that later.

Health is pretty important, as it turns out. Turns out that ignoring that chesty cough for six months until you start hacking up blood really isn’t too advisable. So, knowing when to go see the doctor is a pretty handy life skill. The bonus to having this is that getting on top of things quick means your recovery time is also shortened, which means more time for gallivanting about and being a life-loving legend.

Unfortunately the same goes for going to the dentist. Spitting blood every time you brush your teeth is not normal. At all. It sucks, and it does hurt. But – pardon the pun – gritting your teeth and getting through it means that the instant you walk out of there represents the absolute maximum amount of time you’ll have until you have to go see the dentist again. And that, my friends, ain’t half bad at all.

This one’s real easy. And super fun! Although it can make you angry. But it’s good anger. Smart anger. Anger you feel when you know things about something, because you’re a genius legend. Hit the internet and do yourself some reading! Learn who your local representative is, both at State and Federal level. Don’t simply vote blindly because you prefer one political party over another – read their policies and find out why you agree with them. These are the people that make decision that directly affect you and your day-to-day life, after all. And they are publicly elected to boot.

Know who they are. Know what they stand for. And know why they’re making the decisions that they make. That way when you disagree with one of them because they’re being a dick, you can rest assured knowing that your assertion of their dickishness comes from a thoroughly researched, considered opinion. And also because abjectly throwing swears about is still kinda fun.

Mum can’t sort you out forever. It’s time to learn how to separate your whites and colours and get rid of stains and such. Getting shredded might still be on the agenda for your abs, but not for your woollens. Sort that shit out. No one’s saying you have to become an expert on washing machines – the Yellow Pages is full of exposed butt cracks who can sort the intricate things for you – but learning how they basically work is fairly necessary. Y’know, how to change the temperature from hot to cold. When to EcoWash and when not to. Remembering to change the lint filter. Things like that.

And it is possible to get it wrong. Believe us, we know.

We know. It’s scary. But it’s necessary. You can live, by all means. But don’t ever live above your means. Overdrafts aren’t fun. You want to keep an average, consistent level of fun funding at your disposal. Go crazy from time to time, obviously, just try not to make a habit out of being in the red. Rule your cash, don’t let your cash rule you. Et cetera et cetera.

Whilst it is incredibly appealing to not check your bank balance on a Sunday night or Monday morning to avoid the rabbit hole of shame you absolutely do not want to fall down: JUST DO IT. Rip the band-aid off. Maybe you’ll be /find out you didn’t do as much damage as you thought – BOOM – shame spiral halted in its tracks!

Real talk: At some point after you reach the age of 25, if you still can’t manage to pay your bills reasonably on time, you should probably just go ahead and get in the bin.

You use the services of companies and they expect monetary payment in return. Is it a good system? Absolutely not. But it’s the only one we’ve got, so it’s better to wrap your head – and wallet – around it as early as possible.

Plus, let it be known that most electricity, gas, credit card etc companies are actually relatively chill and will usually give you an extension if – rather than ignoring the bills and hoping they’ll spirit themselves away – you call them up and chat it through. 

Paying bills on time is a heap more fun than trying to get your name cleared from a collection agency’s records. Trust us on that one.

YOU GUYS, THIS IS THE BEST ONE. You’re a grown up now, which means you can keep wine (and other related booze) and not drink it instantly. Adulthood means booze no longer becomes a disposable commodity, bought on the way to Random Backyard, and grenade tossed over the fence in a blind panic when the blue and red lights start flashing from the street. Purchasing wine doesn’t have to be a multiple-person process involving scraped together change, and drinking it does have to involve holding a heavy bladder above you and tilting your head all the way back.

You can buy it in a bottle and you can do it many days in advance. Hell, you can go to people’s places now and they might actually offer you a casual glass and not expect you to chip in money. And you can totally return the favour and not live in fear that they’re secretly going to drink it all.

The best part of this facet of being a grown up? You don’t even have to completely abandon your youthful exuberance.

Cheers, fellow adults! We’re all competent grown up lords now