Ned Hepburn is like the Kylie Minogue’s ass of Tumblrs. My first brush with his unparalleled flair for picture/caption virtuosity began after I noticed ‘Boner Party’ in my boyfriend’s ‘Favourites’ column and was compelled to check it out based on the concern that I may be dating a homosexual. In one of the great internet bait-and-switches is turned out that it wasn’t a dick database but in fact a beautifully-phrased and very amusing tumblr dedicated to all things boner-worthy, with a particular emphasis on actress Zooey Deschanel. From there my world was opened up to his catalogue of Tumblr love: fuckyeahsharks.tumblr, itsfootball.tumblr, nedhepburn.tumblr and the latest addition to his tumblr-powered gang, Epic Magazine.
Epic Magazine is a legitimate magazine with original articles, pictorials and interviews, and while Ned is at the helm as Editor-In-Chief the site also takes submissions from freelance writers and editors and, here’s the kicker: PAYS THEM for their work. If you’ve ever tried to be a writer you’d be well familiar with the sad phenomenon of “unpaid freelance opportunities” whereby the publisher uses your beautiful words to create awesome content and then offers “exposure” as the only form of payment. Which is awesome only if you tick “Dependent” on the census form or moonlight as an after-hours petty thief. Hepburn knows this as well as anyone after a wealth of shitty experiences from the freelancer wasteland…
What’s your worst freelance job ever? I can’t really talk about who it was, but it was a huge corporation and I had an editor that told me to write like someone else. So I asked him why he didn’t just hire that guy. He then proceeded to tell me about some girl he’d banged. He was the worst editor in the entire world. Another time this company (who control The Annoying Orange, so thats saying something) said they wanted to pay me $250 a month for five blog entries a day, which rounds out to around $2 an article, which is insane. And they make millions, and they knew that I knew that they were screwing me over.
The point is that pretty much nobody over 30 knows what writing on the internet is worth. It’s a weird thing that seems to come with age and the nonacceptance that the world is changing. However, there’s a huge amount of people that know how much words are worth. Priceless, right?
How can people submit to Epic? There’s a submit link at the top. It goes to the submissions thing. Me and the features editor (Chicago spoken word guy / English teacher Jacob Knabb) take a look at them. We pick a couple a week. Jacob asks people he knows so we get a more varied project… writers from the *ahem* “writing world” and then from all over the internet.
Write how you talk. I find that usually works best. Then go back and edit it.
What’s the payoff for contributing? Some kid gets $10, $20 to go and eat lunch because he did a good job. People forget that words and the skill in arranging them are both invaluable gifts – a huge, huge gift, something that we seem to take for granted. The least I can do is work to make sure someone doesn’t go to bed hungry and is proud of themselves, even only for the length of a sandwich and a beer. And remember to tip! That’s what makes the world go ’round.
So what’s the long term goal for Epic? To remain awesome. If this experiment works, it’ll be great. If it doesn’t, we had a lot of fun trying. I love old Playboy and a great magazine that went under in 2004 called The Face. I’m shooting for those two goalposts there. Hope it works.
NED HEPBURN’S TOP TEN ALBUMS OF 2010
1. Gayngs “Related”
“Hands down, my most listened to record of the year. 69 bpm on all songs, all of them sounding like slow jams from a stoner rock prom band. Fucking brilliant. A+.”
2. Bill Callahan “Rough Travel For A Rare Thing”
“Not really a new album, but a live album. However, it totally showcases Mr Callahan as one of the best artists out there, hands down. A true poet. Such an amazing live album.”
3. Gorillaz “Plastic Beach”
“This one didn’t have the ‘big breakout song’ like the other Gorillaz albums, but it made the album as a whole more listenable. It has some major flaws (the tracklisting doesn’t build at all, some bad and silly turns by some talented artists) but overall it’s pretty solid. “Stylo” kills.”
4. Charlotte Gainsbourg “IRM”
“It’s good, and I’d imagine is going to get better with age, this one.”
5. No Age “Everything In Between”
“Fucking rad. ‘Nuff said. This sounds like Southern California to a ‘T’ right now: restless but laid back. Quite the album.”
6. Wavves “King Of The Beach”
“More so than Best Coast, I think he’s latching onto the California angry stoner vibe quite well. At least he’s doing something new with something old like garage rock. Great and very solid album.”
7. Kanye “My Dark Twisted Fantasy”
“I honestly think he’s paying someone to come up with the high-fashion stuff, but the songs themselves on this album are way more intense than they should be considering his mainstream / hipster-friendly hip hop that he usually puts out. He’s like the black Axl Rose at this point. This is his “Use Your Illusion”. This might be his high-water mark.”
8. Lil B “Rain In England”
“There’s no way I could listen to this again all the way through but since I listened to it I find myself talking about it a lot to other people. It’s bonkers. It shouldn’t work. It doesn’t even work when it should. But it’s so bizarre (improvised spoken word over random keyboard arpeggios) that he somehow pulls it off, whatever “it” is. I can’t think of anything else like it and for that reason alone it’s one of the most original this year.”
9. El Guincho “Pop Negro”
“It verges at times to sounding too close to music you’d hear on a cruise ship commercial. But when it works, like on the opener “Bombay”, it’s wonderful and very refreshing.”
10. LCD Soundsystem / Joanna Newsom
“They both released albums this year that I thought were good, but not great, but instead better as touchstones for both of them, eking out the last of their current personas and seemingly hinting at something a lot more (vague Bowie overtones for James Murphy, and a Joni Mitchell vibe for Ms Newsom). Then again I could be totally wrong. I dunno. I’ll admit to not having listened to them in a few months.”
“…And the new Girl Talk album slays.”
Submit to Epic Magazine here
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