The uncomfortable truth about doing anything is that occasionally people will ask you to do shit, and that shit universally sucks. It won’t matter what form that shit comes in, not doing it will always be so much better than doing it. To that end, Tones And I, currently grappling with all the associated things that her meteoric rise to fame has brought with it, has told a frankly euphoric tale about how she bailed on a truly god-awful sounding Los Angeles party in favour of ordering food to a hotel bed instead.
Appearing at her massive bushfire appeal show in Melbourne last night, the artist born Toni Watson regaled the packed crowd at 170 Russell with a story about how she, at the invitation of an unnamed US producer, attended a quote-unquote “LA party” in Beverley Hills, and lasted only a handful of minutes before bailing on it without so much as a second thought in favour of trash food and binge TV.
Addressing the crowd mid-set, Tones recalled how, while in LA recently, “there was this producer and he said to me, ‘Hey Tones, I make beats, do you want to sing on my track?’ And I’m like, ‘No, I don’t want to sing on your track because in Australia we all make our own music, and we’re proud of that. And then he said to me, ‘OK, that’s fine, do you want to come to a party in Beverly Hills?’ And I said ‘shit yes.’”
With a mate in tow, Tones then went to the party in Beverley Hills, only to discover that “when we got there we realised no-one really wanted to talk to us. No-one really talked to anyone.”
Describing a frankly dystopic horror scene, Watson then explained that “everyone was wearing really weird buckles on their pants that were super-unnecessary and didn’t do anything.”
Following that, Tones accidentally roasted a cast member of the Teen Wolf revival, stating “a girl came up to me and said, ‘Hey I don’t know if you know me, but I’m on the TV show Teen Wolf.’ I was like, ‘I’ve never watched that show, but I am sure you are terrific!”’
Realising it was all just a bit weird, they then resolved to “get an Uber, go back to our hotel, order Uber Eats and watch Netflix. And that’s what we did.”
Honestly? If I can be serious for a minute? If you had to ask me?
Fair enough, I reckon.