Head’s up: this is probably going to get you feeling all kinds of NSFW so proceed with, or abandon all, caution. You might remember last week Mr Fifty Shades of Grey finally removed his ball gag to talk publicly for the very first time about his wife’s literary success; or if you really want to go to town on this (and I think we will), her literary successexiness! You’re welcome to borrow that one. Now on a similar gag-inducing note, generous purveyor of world-wide, middle-aged, lady-boners and serial ellipsis fetishist, E.L. James, has given Business Insider an insight into the kind of music she listened to while writing the infamous sex scenes from ‘Fifty Shades‘ in order to get herself into the mood. And when I say ‘mood‘, I mean the sexy kind of mood.
James told the Insider at the launch of the Fifty Shades classical album – which is now a thing apparently – “I have songs that I write to. One of them is the Black Eyed Peas‘ ‘Sexy’. That’s a very sexy song.”
You might not remember ‘Sexy‘, or the Black Eyed Peas for that matter, but because I want you to bask in the so-sexy-it’s-nauseating electricity that’s generated when you bond the highly-charged sexual electrons between these two incredibly sexy atoms (sexy science talk), here’s a suitably terrible Spanglish dubbed performance of the song from John Travolta and Uma Thurman’s meta-homage to ‘Pulp Fiction‘ from the also terrible film ‘Be Cool‘.
Please, don’t even pretend like you aren’t vibing all kinds of sexy right now – what with Fergie’s gyrating and visible roots; will.i.am’s louche, slouchy headwear and all-around sex-pest vibe; Uma Thurman’s gargantuan hands and feet; and John Travolta’s obviously well-massaged moves (see: another serial sex pest).
Here’s a full-length picture of the terrible two singers, who also moonlight the worst dressed people I’ve ever fecking seen.
Photo by Frederick M. Brown via Getty Images Entertainment