I’m forever learning from mistakes normal people wouldn’t usually make. I guess common sense skips a generation because when it comes to life, I’m about as skilled as a penguin doing a philosophy major.
The silver lining is that I gain unique life experiences, so perhaps one day, I’ll be able to pass on my niché wisdom to an equally common sense-challenged younger version of myself.
Case in point: I’m about to give all of you future Splendour In The Grass patrons some crucial tips that’ll make your experience 12 times better. Yes, perhaps you wouldn’t make the same mistakes in the first place, but that’s hardly the point.
Don’t leave everything to the last minute
I’m what my friends would call the ‘problem’ because I tend to leave everything to the last minute and never face any major consequences for my poor time-management skills.
That was until Splendour (the year before last). Everyone kept telling me I needed to book my ticket before it was too late, and I simply…left it too late.
So while that was technically two years ago, the lesson here is to get in well ahead of advance.
(To get well ahead of the game, you can register for Visa Checkout and you’ll get access to an exclusive pre-sale which gives you the chance to get tickets a day before the masses can. You’re welcome.)
Have money
Okay, in my defence this was only half my fault, because I wasn’t aware I’d left my wallet at home until we were halfway to North Byron Parklands, so it wasn’t like I planned on not bringing cash or cards or anything.
It was fine in the end, I just had to convince my mate to give me an allowance each day, and then I paid him back when I finally got home.
I’m starting to see why everyone calls me the ‘problem’, to be honest.
Memorise the location of your abode away from abode
Maps are tricky.
Maps are especially tricky when you’re not thinking as clearly as you usually do, so it’s essential that you know where you’re sleeping (and I mean know it like the front of your phone) as to avoid waking up to strangers prodding you with their foot politely asking you to exit their tent.
Again, in my defence, we had a very similar looking tent, it was dark and I was sleepy.
A ‘quick power nap’ without an alarm can be risky
Once you’ve found your actual bed and you’re keen on a quick powernap before your fave act comes on, make sure you set your bloody alarm.
Someone, maybe me maybe not, slept through the entire Childish Gambino set and instead had to live vicariously through other friends who had actually seen him play.
I bet that person regrets sleeping through Childish every single day of his life. I bet he even wakes up in a cold sweat every Tuesday morning at 4:15am.
Just a hunch.
Not everyone wants to have a d&m
Contrary to popular belief, not everyone likes to have a deep and meaningful with a complete stranger they met in the drinks line.
I personally wish someone had told me that earlier, for reasons I’m still too embarrassed to disclose.
Long story short, if you find a guy called Damo, or Jamo, or something ‘amo’, tell him I’m sorry.
But also tell him to give my hat back.
