To visit Splendour in the Grass is to experience an otherworldly kingdom, filled with softbois, micro-influencers, tears and trucker hats – not dissimilar to what I envisage Area 51 to be. It’s also home to some of the best social commentary one could ever hope to overhear.

This year’s Splendour may have come and gone in the blink of an eye, but some of the comments we heard at North Byron Parklands over the weekend will stay imprinted in our minds for lifetimes to come.

Please enjoy the following quotes overheard by us PEDESTRIAN.TV folk at this year’s Splendour, some with much-needed context and others without, because, well… you’ll see.

Three young girls posing for a photo being taken by a fourth friend.
Photographer, to clearly the least important of the posing trio: “You hop out. It’s way cuter to have small groups.”
(Sorry third friend. This fire gram was not for you.)

“I dropped too much acid and kept doing animal noises. Just running around and squealing shit.”
(Oink.)

Matt Corby, on stage: “How’s everyone going?”
Girl in crowd, mutters under breath: “Better with you inside me.”

Girth, Animal Noises & Acid Chat: The Most Cooked Shit We Overheard At Splendour 2019

“I’m being a very bad mother, you know that…”

“The popular kids from high school are here… and I’m just like, errrr.”

Two girls posing in front of Splendour sign. Male counterpart taking the image.
“Dylan! Not landscape… fuck!”
(Fuck for fuck’s sake, Dylan.)

Girl, balancing durry and bourbon in hand, to a male friend.
“I’m useless, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve always been useless… so it’s fine.”
(Mood, TBH.)

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“It’s pretty girthy…”
(Jesus Christ.)

“They’re freaking out about how big it is and you’re just like YEEEEEEAAAH!”
(Double Jesus Christ.)

“I’ll tell ya if I see any famous people.”

“Water is overrated.”

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“I like depressants more than stimulants, so…”

“I can’t believe my year 10 crush just messaged me.”

Person 1: “Can I have a chip? I’ll pay you 4 bucks.”
Person 2: “I’m pretty sure chips are 4 bucks.”
Person 1: “Nah, I’ll pay you for one.”

Friend 1: “He said, ‘Where are you?’, and I said, ‘I have glitter in my mouth’.”
Friend 2: “Why did you say that?”
Friend 1: “I thought it was a good reply.”
Friend 2: “No.”

Man with a big straw hat shoved on over rainbow beanie: “Mate, the rainbow beanie goes with EVERYTHING.”

“Yeah you just need to get your hand in and pull it out!”
(I have zero context for this, but I’m oddly intrigued.)

“Awww she has a BOYFRIEND?!”

Two men shouting at each other.
Man 1: “I’m Luke.”
Man 2: “No I’m Luke.”
Man 1: “Fuck you.”

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Image: Getty Images / Mark Metcalfe