In 2006, when I was a mere simple teenager packing blue eyeshadow onto my face and trying to get my hair to sit just right in a Lauren Conrad baby bouffant, I heard a very certain song that changed things. With its driving Caribbean beat that pricked ears, flooded dancefloors, and caused people across nightclubs at 2am to loudly scream “oh my god my SONG“, I knew that this track would never leave me. I was locked in the tenacious grasp of the Sean Paul club hit ‘Temperature’, but I couldn’t help but wonder one thing.

What exactly is the right temperature for Sean Paul?

In the song’s hooky chorus, Sean da Paul declares that when the time cold he wants to be keeping me warm, boasting that he has the “right temperature” to shelter me from the storm.

But at what point does Sean Paul decide that the mercury has dipped low enough to offer up his shelter? And where are we in this instance? Are we talking a storm rolling through the streets of Melbourne in the depths of winter (pretty cold), the yearly hurricane season in Jamaica, which lasts from June to the end of November, or the Northern Hemisphere’s winer? Sean Paul – Shon Pol, phonetically – I need clarification.

If we’re in his home of Jamaica, and Sean Paul’s internal thermometer is reading a normal, stable 36.5-37.5ºC, we’re looking at a tropical low of around 21ºC in the cooler months (January/February) which is not extraordinarily cold, and if anything I feel like Sean Paul would feel more like sitting in a sauna for a little too long. It IS however, pretty much bang on 69ºF. Horny coincidence? I think not.

But would he even want to offer up his apparent warmth at that time, no matter how nice?

The song’s video clip features Sean Paul in jeans in every season – autumn, winter, spring, and summer – which gives the impression that Sean Paul has a temperature for every season. This implies that for the bad storms that come in every quarter of the year, he is able to alter his internal temperature to protect various love interests from the weather.

Do you know whose body temperature changes to suit their surroundings? Lizards. They’re known as ‘poikilotherms’, which are creatures whose internal temperatures changes dependent on the environmental conditions around them.

I’m unsure if I want to infer that Sean Paul – a clearly red-blooded being – is a lizard, however. It almost feels like a disservice to a universally horny entity like Sean Paul.

There is, however, one (1) known mammal that is a poikilotherm.

The naked mole rat.

I mean…
Image: Getty Images / Brad Barket