Montaigne’s ARIA Impaling Her Floorboard Is A Reminder That The Award Is A Fucking Hazard

Montaigne ARIA Award

ARIA awards are a damn hazard. I mean, look at these pointy demons.

The tip has your eye written all over it.

I mean, when I win one (it’s coming, I can feel it in my gut) I’m most definitely not leaving it on a table or shelf in fear that I’d trip on some dust and land straight on the death pyramid with my jugular.

Anyhoo, in today’s news that completely substantiates this fear, sweet angel Montaigne‘s award impaled her floorboard. Yep. Her fucking floorboard. Bye.

[jwplayer QjDVn3hn]

She’d been using the award as a weight in an exercise to rehabilitate the third grade ligament tear she’d acquired in her left ankle, she explained on her Instagram.

“The physio told me today that I should try to do my calf raise exercise while carrying weight, and I have no gym weights at home, so I decided I’d fill a backpack full of heavy stuff I own,” the caption reads.

“The heaviest thing I own is, undeniably, my ARIA award. That shit is at least a few kilograms of hard, pointy metal. I first threw in a copy of 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami, then Jerusalem by Yotam Ottolenghi, then my ARIA award on top. The bag does not zip.”

“So I picked the bag up and put it on my back, swung around to step to the wall so I could hold myself steady while I did the exercises, AND MY ARIA FELL NOSE FIRST OUT OF MY BAG AND IMPALED MY FLOORBOARDS.”

Her roommate then helped her create the perfect photoshoot with the fallen ARIA award, because that’s what friends are for. Feast your eyes on images that belong in the Louvre.

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A post shared by Montaigne (@actualmontaigne) on

“These trophies do NOT fuck around,” Montaigne added. You’re literally not wrong, sis.

I’m screaming at the third pic.

Image: Instagram / @actualmontaigne

It’s amazing to me that there have been no reported injuries or deaths at the hands of these bad boys.

Disclaimer: no ARIA awards were harmed in the making of this quality content – the floorboards are another story. Stream Complex on Spotify – it slaps.