We’ve all heard the classic Halloween coffin-banger Monster Mash, right? Well, sorry to totally destroy your childhood dress-up parties here, but you’re wrong.
A life-ruining Twitter user by the name of Lawrence Miles has the internet questioning everything after posting this real AF observation about the 1962 Bobby Pickett classic.
Guys. I’m here to red-pill you all.
You’ve never heard the actual Monster Mash. You’ve just heard a record *about* the Monster Mash.
Yeah.
— Lawrence Miles ⚫ (@Lawrence_Miles) October 8, 2017
Hang on just a second here, Larry. Are you telling us that our entire lives have been a lie?
Bobby Pickett is a non-monster recalling an occasion when he heard monsters mashing. At best, his recording is only a rough approximation.
— Lawrence Miles ⚫ (@Lawrence_Miles) October 8, 2017
Oh, god. He’s right.
Lawrence’s observation kicked off a great deal of soul-searching for scores of Twitter users, as they realised that by this reasoning there’s plenty of other songs we’ve never actually heard, just heard ABOUT.
There’s The Trashmen‘s Surfin’ Bird.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was about the Bird, and the Word was the Bird.
— John (@johnlk_80) October 8, 2017
We also have no idea what tunes the caucasian male was spinning in Wild Cherry‘s classic Play That Funky Music White Boy.
You also never heard the funky music the white boy played, and Feliz Navidad never wished you a Merry Christmas in English.
— Going Rampant (@goingrampant) October 8, 2017
And will we ever hear the greatest song in the world?
It’s just a tribute! pic.twitter.com/jCt4ZJZGhi
— Matt Gallagher (@mattbgallagher) October 8, 2017
While some token smartarses tried to pick apart Lawrence’s theory, they were shot down by even bigger smartarses well-versed in the tune’s lyrics.
Incorrect: it’s both the dance and the song, as detailed by the line “He did the Mash, they played the Monster Mash.”
— Nick Chester (@nickchester) October 8, 2017
There’s just no getting around this logic, folks. At least we’ll always have Michael Jackson‘s Thriller for all our Halloween banger needs.
