Beyond the fabled first four albums – after the band ran out of all the leftover riffs they stole off of Dave Mustaine fight me about this – the quiet secret to a good Metallica song has been “cover someone else’s.”

Garage Inc. is a shining testament to this. A parade of great covers, one after the other, with James Hetfield roaring through the best of Lynyrd SkynyrdMercyful FateThin LizzyMisfits, and a host of others.

This cover, however, is ah… not of that calibre.

As it turns out, Metallica’s quite-active YouTube channel has been running a regular series called “Rob & Kirk’s doodles,” in which bassist Robert Trujillo and lead guitarist Kirk Hammett take time out in the middle of a set to jam on a cover song appropriate to whatever city they’re in.

Two days ago, in Minneapolis, they decided to honour the late Prince by performing what could well be the most year 7-ass cover version of When Doves Cry every committed to film.

Make no mistake about it: It sucks incredibly.

What the hell is going on here. Where the hell is Lars and James? What are they doing, punching on out the back somewhere? In what insane version of any world are Rob & Kirk – objectively the two least-important Metallica members – allowed to have solo stage time to fart about for a few minutes? It boggles the mind.

But, like we said before, this is just the latest in a long-running series. Turns out there’s so many of these. Each one more gut-achingly terrible than the last.

Bloody hell. Leave it in the jamroom you deadshits.

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