If you’re not already aware of Cameo, it’s time to get acquainted: The celebrity shout out service will let you, for a small fee, buy a video shout out from the celebrity of your choice. They’ll say virtually whatever you want, almost universally without even thinking twice about it. Earlier this year, for example, someone got Flava Flav to wish George Pell a “happy retirement.” So it all goes. While that in and of itself was a fairly bombshell use of the platform, as of earlier today we now have a new high-water mark, because somebody has apparently paid Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray a handful of dollars to break-up with their boyfriend via a Cameo shout-out.
Most Cameos are listed publicly after they’re posted, so there’s an untold gold mine of content floating out there. But McGrath’s insane screed against some poor sap named “Braden” just about takes the cake.
The story goes that a someone named “Cheyenne” enlisted McGrath’s help to let poor Braden down gently, after their apparently long-distance relationship simply became untenable.
In what’s easily the most positive, grass-is-always-greener break-up video you’re ever likely to see, McGrath lets Braden down as gently as possible, telling him “you mean the world to her, but she’s having difficulty staying in this long-distance relationship,” before going on to a) brag about having a wife, b) thank him for being a Sugar Ray fan, and c) wish him the best of luck for his upcoming thesis.
Christ it’s a ride.
Although the whole thing is rolled gold, there’s two clear highlights here:
- “You’re a fan of the band Sugar Ray, which I am honored. I wish I was delivering you good news! Hopefully I can see you backstage, give you a high five someday, dude! We can maybe laugh about this sometimes. Hopefully we all can! Cheyenne, Braden, all of us, we all could hang out! But, uh, she wants to be friends right now, bro.”
- “You got big things ahead of you, bro! If you’re working on a thesis, you got a good life ahead of you.”
Hall of Fame stuff. Truly outstanding gear.
For the record, McGrath lists his shout out services on Cameo for $100, which arguably makes this one of the cheaper break-ups in the history of the medium.
If you’re on the verge of re-entering singledom and want to add a little celebrity sizzle to your impending clean break, you can have Melissa Joan Hart do it for $200, Dog The Bounty Hunter will toss them out of your life for $100, Daniel Franzese from Mean Girls will tell them they don’t even go here for $60, or Ryan Cabrera will get it done for the low low price of just $40.
And that’s really only scratching the surface of this truly vital service.