Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Expecting Vanilla Baby

America’s most endearingly inoffensive vaudevillians, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Timbielake, did sex one time and now they have to face the consequences: they’re pregnant with America’s most vanilla baby.

Multiple sources have confirmed to Us Weekly that Biel and Timberlake finally consummated their marriage at least once in the recent past after two years of polite, non-committal conversation about which shade of taupe to paint the north-facing living room feature wall; which jazz standard muzak should play in the elevator; which classic LBD pairs best with each pair of basic, patent beige pumps.
Right now they are just enjoying the news for themselves,” a “pal” close to the couple told Us
They just want a happy baby,” the pal continued; a happy baby, and perhaps also pals that don’t rat them out to tabloids.
This will be the first baby and most interesting thing Biel, 32, has birthed; Timberlake still uses MySpace
Congratulations, everyone.
Photo by David Becker/Getty Images