Jean-Claude Van Damme Retroactively Admits To Banging Kylie Minogue

Jean-Claude Van Damme has been able to identify at least one positive experience from starring in the historically terrible 1994 Street Fighter movie; he banged Kylie Minogue.

Speaking with The Guardian to promote his exhaustive action hero bukkake fantasy The Expendables 2, The Muscles from Brussels, who played an American general with an inexplicable French accent for the duration of the mid-nineties stinker, addressed a rumour surrounding an alleged on-set affair with “our Kylie” during the 1994 filming of Street Fighter, confirming that “beautiful love-making” had taken place in Thailand during the film’s shooting, presumably to take their minds off the professional anxiety associated with starring in the worst action film of all time.

“Sometimes you let go of stuff … I don’t know, maybe. Yes. OK. Yes, yes, yes. It happened. I was in Thailand, we had an affair. Sweet kiss, beautiful love-making,” he explained.

“It would be abnormal not to have had an affair, she’s so beautiful, and she was there in front of me every day with a beautiful smile, simpatico, so charming, she wasn’t acting like a big star. I knew Thailand very well, so I showed her my Thailand. She’s a great lady.”

In related news, Jean-Claude Van Damme appears to have used an entire Asian nation as a euphemism for his penis.