It all started – as most good things do – on TikTok.
I had just candidly filmed a mate staring into space, and it was now time to upload this scandalous footage in order to somehow dunk on her. I just needed to find the perfect backing track.
My heart was set on “My Immortal” by Evanescence. The epitome of mid-2000s cringe-core, Evanescence make meme music perfect for situations like this.
But as I scoured TikTok’s vast in-app music library, I realised there were only cover versions of the song. The original was nowhere to be found. After I scrolled through karaoke versions and even a Kidz Bop cover, I came across a song which would change my life: a cover of “My Immortal” by a German band aptly named: Gregorian.
Now, I’m addicted to the genre.
Gregorian chants originated in in Europe in the 9th and 10th centuries AD as a form of worship. The lyrics are based off hymns, pslams and prayers, and the genre itself was named after Pope Gregory II, who apparently had a lot to do with its popularity, or something.
For many, our first encounter with Gregorian chants may well have been the Halo theme song, which slaps.
However for me, Gregorian chants have become a way of reheating old bangers much like dinner from two nights ago. A cold schnitty is good, but when you heat it up (or in this listen to a Gregorian chant cover) it can be so, so much better.
Now well-and-truly lodged in this medieval rabbit hole, I began to discover even more bangers which had been made good and sanct through the power of Gregorian chants.
Coldplay‘s “Viva La Vida” is probably one of the worst songs ever written. If I have to hear Chris Martin whine about Jerusalem bells one more time I swear I will pour concrete onto the soles of his fugly shoes so he can’t jump around the stage like a dickhead anymore. But that’s a story for another article.
However, hearing about said bells, as well as Roman cavalry choirs, sounds so much cooler when it’s from a genre that’s actually related to it. When Coldplay sing about it, it’s pretentious, but when Gregorian choirs chant about it, it suddenly becomes normal and even cool to reference such things.
The point is, Gregorian chants give “Viva La Vida” the deep, powerful and spiritual-sounding vocals that it’s lyrics demand, without any of the pretense of the Worst Band Ever™.
Thought perfection couldn’t be improved upon? Think again, dingus.
Somehow, through some kind of liturgical sorcery, the Gregorian chant version of “Wonderwall” slaps harder than the original.
I’m not even joking. Hearing the soothing vocal harmonies against the strings just hits different. No offence, Noel Gallagher.
Meanwhile, get a load of these Merlin-cosplayer-looking dudes jamming out to a choral version of Green Day‘s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”.
People in the 9th century probably thought their shadow was Satan stalking them or some shit, and yet here we are listening to a Gregorian chant about an angsty meander with one’s own shadow down some desolate highway in bumfuck Middle America. Wow.
It’s time-bending, culture-shifting stuff, and if Pope Gregory II is rolling violently in his crypt then so be it.
These guys cover everything.
Remember that fkn cup song from Pitch Perfect? Give this a listen.
They’re not clanging paper cups. They’re clanging GOBLETS (probably).
Monks can’t call their girlfriends if they’ve sworn to live of celibacy, but these dudes do not care for your pathetic rules.
What to make of all this?
Well first and foremost, Gregorian chant covers of mainstream pop songs are surprisingly good background music for when you’re chilling at home or even trying to get some work done.
The songs are simultaneously soothing and uplifting, keeping you calm but also in good spirits.
Gregorian chants also make excellent driving music. Whether you’re stuck in traffic or dealing with a bunch of aggressive drivers on the highway, listening to a Gregorian chant will turn your car into a cocoon of serenity.
What passes as pop nowadays will look daggy in a few years’ time. Things change, and so does society’s taste in music.
However, somehow, Gregorian chants have endured for over a millennium, bringing smiles and soothed heartrates to all who are brave enough to listen.
To that, I say: Onya Pope Greg.
