It’s Friday afternoon, which means it’s time to check-in with yourself, gage your emotional state, and your outline your plan-of-attack for the weekend ahead.
Has your week been horrific? Are you fed-up with that annoying co-worker? Do you feel like you’re a boss binch, or perhaps you’re just thinking about that $5 bottle of rosé?
Either way, I’ve enlisted the help of Christina Aguilera to help you with this important process of self-reflection, and to emotionally guide you with her musical healing powers.
There are 10 huge moods below, ranging from high-key horny and low-key flirty moods to drunk and lonely moods. Prepare to go on a journey of self-discovery as you discover which Christina Aguilera song best describes your Friday mood.
“Dirrty” – An excited-for-the-clubs mood
Ummmf. What a way to welcome in the weekend. This week has been either the best week of your life or absolute trash, and you’re ready to strip off the week, get sweatier than the Niagara falls and pop your pussy (or bussy) to Darude’s “Sandstorm”. No one should get in your way – you’re cutting shapes like nobody’s business. Reow.
“Hurt” – A tired mood
Right now, you’re staring out the window at work like you’re in a music video. You’ve disassociated 28 times today, and had a 30-minute flashback to that time in 2014 when you thought you were going to fart but accidentally pooped a little. It’s okay, sis, we’ve all been there – let your emotions ride out. You’ll rediscover that sexy Xtina vibe soon.
“Accelerate” – A low-key flirty mood
You don’t feel defeated by the tiresome work week. In fact, you feel your oats and you want to get your grind on, but in a low-key, sultry way. You want to hit up that dimly-lit bar, or perhaps you want to DM that hottie and ask them over for a bottle of wine. Either way, you’re feeling sexually in charge and will have many shower bevs in your steamy bathroom. GET IT, SIS.
“Your Body” – A high-key horny mood
Okay, so if the last mood was low-key, this mood is HIGH-KEY. You’re wanting the P, the V or anything in between. You don’t give a fuck – your dignity flew out the window years ago – and you’re going to message your ex, or that person on Tinder, Grindr or Bumble, the eggplant emoji followed by the devil emoji followed by the splash emoji. You’re a human on a mission, and that mission is a 6-hour orgy.
“Fighter” – An angsty, drama-ready mood
You want to crack a mug over your co-worker’s head. People are treating you like a doormat, and you feel like your voice isn’t being heard. WELL NOT ANYMORE, FUCKERS. You’re a strong bitch who demands people put SUM RESPEK ON YOUR NAME. You’ll also probably slap someone at the club tonight who accidentally steps on your shoelace.
“Say Something” – A drunk mood
All hope has left the fucking building. You are drunk. You are holding your fist up to your mouth like it’s a microphone. The world is your stage, and the only audience member is your sadness. Every time your friend chimes in, you cut them off by saying, “Yeah, I can relate, because, like, with me and my life…” or “IJUSTTHINKIT’SFUNNYHOW”. Please, do yourself a favour and have a green tea, put on your favourite jim-jams and stare at an endorphin-increasing lamp.
“The Voice Within” – A inspired, hopeful mood
You’ve been single for the past 22 years, but someone just responded to your thirsty DM and they actually sound semi-responsive. Applause! The world is your oyster and ain’t no one gonna steal your fucking shine! Yes, there some bumps in the road to success, but there are some exciting things happening just around the corner. Life is a key-change, and you are climbing high on positivity.
“Beautiful” – A relieved mood
You’re just impressed that you survived this week and, to be honest, you should be – everyone’s been on your case, the workload has been crazy, and all of these softbois are trying to leave you emotionally burdened. YOU’RE NOT GIVING IN, THOUGH! You can finally go home, give yourself a home-made undercut and thank the LAWD you’re single because relationships are trash.com. lol.
“What A Girl Wants” – A lonely mood
You’re fed up with socialising, and with humans in general. You want to put on your “I <3 Swedish Boys” tee, crawl up in foetal position in front of a Netflix rom-com and imaging a life where you actually have a reason to leave your room this weekend. *all around me are familiar faces…*
“Show Me How You Burlesque” – An in-control mood
Today? Killed it. This working week? Slayed everything. Your entire life? Flawless. Everyone on the PT journey home are your backup dancers, and the constant rain over the past fortnight has been the glitter to your encore. Your shit smells like roses. Congratulations.
So, what mood are you? I’m a mix between “Say Something” and “Fighter”. RIP.
Tag your m8s, share your emotions, and may Xtina carry you through your personal endeavours. Godspeed, dirrty kids.
