Fergie Is Heaps Sorry For Trying To Make The U.S. National Anthem Sexy

First, an admission: although this article is about Fergie’s disastrous take on the American national anthem at yesterday’s NBA All-Star game, I have seen roughly six seconds of said rendition. My startling capacity for secondhand embarrassment has rendered me unable to sit through the entire thing. I fear that if I did, I would literally implode. Sorry.

With that being said, I’m not the only one to offer an apology after that awkward meeting of sultry jazz and patriotic fervour. Fergie herself has apologised for her spectacular botching of The Star-Spangled Banner, telling TMZ that she really, truly, tried her best.

“I’ve always been honored and proud to perform the national anthem and last night I wanted to try something special for the NBA,” the forthright singer told the publication. “I’m a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn’t strike the intended tone. I love this country and honestly tried my best.”

While it’s unlikely we’ll see the former Black Eyed Peas singer invited back to make up for that one, it does beg the question: who else could have filled in? On short notice, we reckon a chorus of those novelty Japanese singing toys could have done an okay job:

Or, shit, did anyone ask what Jack Black was up to?