It’s the most wonderful time of the year, filled with music that immediately gives you those little goosebumps of anticipation – unless that is you work in retail and the melody to ‘Jingle Bells’ permanently etched into your brain. That’s right folks it’s Christmas Music Time™ and we did a bit of digging through our own personal faves (?) to bring you a list of Christmas albums that will likely drive at least one (1) family member up the wall by Boxing Day.
The Muppets Christmas Carol Soundtrack
Arguably the best Christmas movie in existence (do not @ me about this, unless it’s to agree), The Muppets blessed us with a contemporary Christmas album that’s not full of the traditional carols and instead filled with Beaker meeping all over the place.
Christmas – Michael Bublé
I simply can’t have a list of Christmas music without giving a nod to the modern Mr Christmas himself, Michael Bublé. A man who has been relegated to being let out of his cave and/or cage precisely one (1) time a year and that time is right now. He’s emerged, blinking into the harsh sunlight of the Fitzsimmons mountains north of Vancouver, to jazz up Christmas once again.
Tell me you don’t feel A Lot Of Feelings as soon as his dulcet baritone kicks into ‘It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas‘.
A Legendary Christmas – John Legend
It’s a new contender, but John Legend is fast cementing himself as the new cave-dwelling Christmas crooner alongside our beloved Michael Bublé. Maybe they can work together to survive the long months between their annual release.
A Christmas Album – Bright Eyes
As a precious baby emo teen who still got swept up in the whimsy of the holidays (as much as I tried to give off an air of pure angst), finding an emo-adjacent Christmas album was like, well, Christmas to me. Enter, Bright Eyes‘ A Christmas Album.
It’s Conor Oberst and a bunch of other artists from Saddle Creek Records artists like Azure Ray, Neva Dinova, Cursive, Rilo Kiley, and Desaparecidos, making the traditional holiday music sound as depressing as possible, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Oh and ‘Blue Christmas‘ was on The O.C.‘s Christmukkah episode.
You can bet your sweet ass I have this on vinyl.
Christmas – Elvis
I feel like I don’t have to explain why Elvis singing carols while being backed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, but if you haven’t ushered this into your life, it’s like a
A Charlie Brown Christmas – Vince Guaraldi Trio
I shouldn’t have to explain this one because literally everything that features Snoopy and Woodstock is good and pure. Good jazzy bops to play as background cooking/present opening music, because there’s minimal lyrics to get distracted by.
A Very She & Him Christmas – She & Him
It’s Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward soaking festival carols in their twee doo-wop. What the fuck is not to like here?
Sleddin’ Hill – August Burns Red
What if Christmas, but also riffs? Do we even need to consider this? Do we need more heavy Christmas albums? Who else can make sleigh bells sound menacing? Simply sit back in your chair and let Shredmas wash over you and make you want to pummel your fist through the pavlova in the back fridge. Open up this fuckin’ pit, all ye faithful.
Merry Christmas – Mariah Carey
I feel like Mariah Carey will personally have my head if she’s not included in this list so if you haven’t already had your fill of ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You‘, here you go. Please do not hurt me, Ms Carey.
The Christmas Song – Nat King Cole
No Christmas listening session is complete without a visit from the OG Chrimbo Crooner, Nat King Cole. Before Bublé and Legend, there was Cole. There’s something innately romantic and festive about Nat King Cole’s dulcet tones over smooth, lounge piano and swelling strings. If I ever end up having a white, wintery Christmas, this is all I’m listening to.
Songs For Christmas – Sufjan Stevens
Quite possibly the Patron Saint of being Horny For Christmas is Sufjan Stevens. Amongst writing and recording four albums between 2001 and 2006, Sufjan also somehow found the time to create a five EP box set of Christmas songs. How he found the time, I have no fucking idea.
Silver & Gold – Sufjan Stevens
In case one box set of Christmas EPs wasn’t enough for Suffy Stevens, he went and released another one in 2012. This time it’s a collection of recordings spanning six years from 2006 to 2012, featuring a range of traditional carols and festival tunes, and a few original creations.
If you thought Songs For Christmas was an effort at 42 tracks long, then buckle the fuck in because Silver & Gold is a whopping 58 tracks in length. That’s a whole 100 songs to play on an extended loop. It might not technically fit into the Christmas Albums category but maybe more a Festive Anthology.
Yes, I absolutely power through all of Sufjan’s Christmassy jingles every year. No, I am not sorry. Christmas Unicorn absolutely slaps, fight me.
A Colt 45 Christmas – Afroman
Famed for doing absolutely piss-all because he got inexplicably high sometime in the year 2000, Afroman has also released a Christmas album that you, uh, absolutely shouldn’t play while the grandparents are still around. Or when any kids are still awake. Look, maybe just keep this for Friendmas because although it’s incredibly funny and incredible, it’s wildly explicit. I mean, it opens with a song called ‘Deck My Balls‘ for Christ’s sake.
Come to think of it, Afroman sings a lot about having his balls sucked on this album. Merry Christmas, Mr Afroman.
