You may need to sit down for what may be the most staggering piece of breaking news to come out of this fair nation in possibly ever: Australia will be a competitor in the 2015 European Song Contest, to be held this May in Vienna.
Australia’s proud tradition of getting on the piss and live-Tweeting Eurovision, along with Jess Mauboy‘s half-time performance last year, were apparently enough to sway the judges into guaranteeing us a spot in the grand finals.
Allow host Julia Zemiro to explain:
Per Eurovision’s official announcement, broadcaster SBS will be choosing our nation’s competitor, and Aussies will apparently be able to vote in the Semi-Finals and Grand Final, though not for ourselves (boo).
Our song and artist will be revealed “very shortly,” leaving only the burning question of who the hell it will be. Danii, the other Minogue? The multi-headed musical collective that is Justice Crew? Unfairly eliminated Voice contestant Sabrina ‘Batshit’ Batshon?
Our minds are literally reeling. Whoever it is, we hope they’re made to dress exactly like this.
Photo: Ragnar Singsass via Getty Images