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Nothing, or no one, can quite prepare you for the characters you’ll encounter at the three-day festivities that is Splendour In the Grass. But, heck, what kind of humans would we be if we didn’t give it a red-hot crack?
Whether it’s first-time flower crown’ers, reg ravers, hemp-loving hippies or the eccentric elderly, it’s definitely a festival open to all walks of life, making for a hell-good time all-round.
Behold, all the fascinating creatures we strongly feel (from our own neanderthal experiences) you’re about to get deep / friendly with:
A is for AAA Industry Professionals.
“I’m just here for work, which isn’t as glamorous as everyone makes it out to be hey.”
B is for Backpackers.
“You alright? Nah nah I’m from LONDON eh. Me lads told me I had to come to Byron if I came to Aus.”
C is for Camping Geniuses.
“Yep, I brought an extension cord. Yep, I’ve got one of those stone-coated pans. Yeah yeah yeah got a 24-pack of water in the boot.”
D is for Documenters, as in documenting the whole flipping thing on Snap.
“Omgomg show me, is it good?”
E is for EDM Fanatics.
“Which way’s the Mix Up Tent?”
F is for Farshun Bloggers.
“What’s the official hashtag again? Lucky. That would’ve been, like, follower suicide, y’know?”
G is for General Pants Co.
“What am I wearing? Oh, it’s all General Pants Co. Yep, the shoes too.”
H is for Hippies.
“I just love how free everyone is here, man. It’s fkn magical.”
I is for Insta-huns.
“No no no omg do it again! Another! Can you send that to me?”
J is for Justifiers.
“Just here for The Cure, ey.”
K is for Kebab Devourers.
“This is the best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve been thinking about this literally all day.”
L is for Lovers Not Haters.
“Yeah for sure just come chill with us ’til you find ’em”
M is for Man Bunners.
“Faaaaarrrrk man, my hair tie just broke. Faaaaarrrkkkk.”
N is for Nudie Runners.
“Nah it will be hella funny, CARN.”
O is for Oi’ers.
“Oi, GTFO out of my tent.”
P is for Police.
“Come with me, mate.”
Q is for Queue Sufferers.
“Is anyone in there? Can you check? Seriously just check. Here I’ll check. Omg no one was it there wtfffffff.”
R is for Ravers.
“Yeah yeah yeah put me on your shoulders sheeeet yep I’m up, I’m up.”
S is for Sniffer Dogs.
“Woof woof don’t pat me mate.”
T is for The Tipi Foresters.
“I love you. I love you too bebb.”
U is for Underdressed Civillians.
“Can you see my nipples?”
V is for Vegans.
“Can we move somewhere else? These carnivores are making me unwell.”
W is for Woo Girls.
X is for Xenophobia Haters.
“Ain’t nobody got time for your close-mindedness.”
Y is for YOLO-ers.
“Just go up and talk to them YOLO.”
Z is for Zero-Fuck Givers.
“Nah fuck it, I don’t care what people think.”
It might be a colourful crowd full of diverse-as-all-hell characters, but it’s kinda neat that they all flock into one place to enjoy the same thing, hey. As Dr Evil once told the great Austin Powers, “We’re not so different, you and I.”
See – this part lol
Think about that when you’re dumbfounded by the punter next to you who’s wearing more crochet than your Nan’s dining room.
THINK ABOUT THAT.
Peace and love, y’all.
Photo: Mark Metcalfe / Getty.