If you’d like to feel old, poor, out of touch with the Youths and wholly inadequate, the MTV Movie Awards are taking place right this second at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles.
An inimitable barometer more indicative of auteur pedigree and cultural relevance when compared with something très low breed like the Oscars [if you want specifics, I’ve counted two Backstreet Boys, one Nick Lachey, and three members of the original Entourage], the MTV Movie Awards espouse a dress code best described as ‘no phucks and fancy free; pants and shirts optional.’
On that note, here is everything and nothing that happened on the Red Carpet:
Enter Bad Gal RiRi pouring it up in a crotch-grazing déshabillé negligee with sexy bed head tendrils. She woke up like this; ladies, tell ’em.
BRB, just going to go get checked.
Clay-eating woodland nymph Shailene Woodley slays in pleated, olive Balmain woven by Mother Gaia under a new moon in Aries. #BLESSED and #BESTDRESSED 
Ellie Goulding in serene Giorgio Armani with risky hip cut outs is all that, whole grain, low fat.
Leslie MF Mann in windswept polka dot Juan Carlos Obando is the embodiment of This Is The Roaring 40s.
Chrissy Teeheeheeigen ditches her usual red carpet steez (whatever looks good with John Legend) in favour of a sexy cupcake from Russian couturier Ulyana Sergeenko.
You need to follow Chrissy Teigen on Twitter and Instagram to appreciate her particular brand of awards ceremony live coverage. For example, one minute you might see a photo of Chrissy Teigen necking a vodka lime soda, followed by a photo of her 8008135 captioned ‘bored’, accompanied soon after by a tweet like “lol prompter out. I would just poop.”
Or a ‘joke’ about taking a hit out on Grumpy Cat.
Grumpy cat is 12 seats from me. His handler doesn’t seem grumpy at all. Going in for the kill. Not real kill.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 14, 2014
“I would just poop” tho! I mean, can you even with Teigen?
Iggy Azalea is wearing fancy John Galliano Spring 2014; her hair is crimped, and the shoes are trying to redact themselves.
Nicki Minaj in severe McQueen is almost her own particular brand of chic and thus almost entirely unrecognisable.
Some random dame to kill for radiating honest life vibes and fair trade sunshine.
Rita Ora is wearing plunging, pocketed, low-sheen Barbara Casasola reminiscent of the Prada bombshell she wore to the Brits.
Rita Ora is also responsible for this. Get your hand off it and forward your thanks to @RitaOra, thirsty ladies:
Heavenly Lupita Nyong’o tastes the rainbow in a Chanel Fall 2014 RTW confection with iridescent Casadei pumps.
And Jared Leto has become a fkn parody of himself, resplendent in sequins and ombré.
Photos: Jason Merritt, Michael Buckner and Christopher Polk via Getty
