There’s nothing more frustrating than having to stare at a sweaty back, breathing in questionable armpit hair that just so happens to perfectly align with your nose whilst trying to catch a glimpse of your favourite band at a festival. Alongside not being able to reach the top shelf, this is probably the most annoying thing ever about being vertically challenged.
With festival season fast approaching – and with the 2014 edition of Listen Out starting this coming weekend – we figured it was about high time the short person got a look in when it comes to catching all the action. If you no longer want to be that guy who has to ask every three minutes WTF just happened, here are few insider tips to ensure that all the action happens within your eye line – from one short person to another.
FIND A MILK CRATE
With the amount of food vendors around,
you’ll no doubt be able to get your hands on a milk crate fairly easily.
Nab one early and for the rest of the day your eye line will be on par with even the tallest of bros.
FIND A HI-RISE PLATFORM
Even better than the humble crate is BONDS’s Hi-Rise viewing platform at Listen Out. Sympathising with the little guy who can just never seem to catch a break, they’ve given a few lucky punters access to said platform to lord over every other tall person that has ever obscured their view ever. If you were unable to secure lord-status, your next best bet is finding a conviently located hill and/or mound on site.
BRING A TALL FRIEND WITH BROAD SHOULDERS
Or someone who just really wants to get between your sweaty thighs. Sitting on someone’s shoulders will guarantee you have the best view in the house. Added bonus: no matter how tall the dude behind you is, you’ll still be blocking their view. How’s it feel to be short, tall smug jerk?
WEAR PLATFORM SHOES
The ’90s are back baby. Make like your
favourite Spice Girl and don a pair of platform sneakers. You’ll still
have the comfort of a flat shoe but you’ll be able to see four inches
more of life.
PAIR THEM WITH FESTIVAL APPROPRIATE ATTIRE
And by that we mean you gotta make sure you can moooove baby! Let’s face it, you’re going to be dancing for at least eight hours straight so comfort needs to be high on your radar here. Also, movability. With the amount of climbing on shoulders you’re going to be doing, you need to make sure your clothing is up to the challenge. In keeping with the whole ’90s vibe, we’d suggest these brill daisy leggings from BONDS. Alternatively, if you’ve got the pins and desperately want to flaunt them in your shortest of short shorts (and why wouldn’t you, girlfran?) team ’em with some hot Hi Bikini knickers. They’re guaranteed to make those babies look longer. Check the BONDS website more uber comfortable festival ideas.
FASHION SOME MINI STILTS
Okay, for this one you’re going to need to take some cues from MacGyver. You’ll need to pre-pack some duct tape and string and then find four to six (depending on the length of your feet) empty, overpriced beer cans on site. Tape 2 – 3 cans together side-by-side and then attach a loop of string long enough so you can hold onto your stilts comfortably and still walk. The end result should be similar to those upturned paint tins you used to walk around on in kindergarten.
COLLAPSIBLE STEP LADDER
The trick to this one is finding something collapsible enough so that it’s not that much of a hindrance to carry around. That said, if you’ll be able to see all the action all day, having to lug around a mini ladder is a small price to pay.
BRING A POGO STICK
Right so security will probably attempt to stop you at the gates citing “security reasons” should you turn up pogo stick in hand, but show us one festival list that specifically says pogo sticks are not allowed. Can’t find one? Exactly.
ANTI-GRAVITY BOOTS
If you’re a bit too attached to your pogo stick and don’t want to run the risk of getting it taken off you by security, chuck on a pair of Air Kicks Anti-Gravity boots. You’ll be able to bounce around to Flume while looking as cool as this kid:
awwwwww yeahhh
USE YOUR SMARTPHONE
If all else fails, hit your camera app and hold your phone up in the air like you just don’t care. Sure, the quality will be shithouse, but seeing Flume in pixelated glory is better than not seeing Flume at all, right?
Title image by James Ambrose
