These songs are ‘gloriously powerful’. Not necessarily powerful in the carved-harder-than-Rodin way, they are the empowering and almighty tunes with which to celebrate all things woman. Hey speaking of which, if you ARE or know of an unattached female with bullshit amazing skills and equally proportionate levels of humility you should probably get your nominations in for the Pedestrian.TV 2013 Bachelorette of The Year brought to you by the really, really ridiculously good looking MINI Ray, the winner reaps spoils in the form of a trip to Japan for herself and a buddy.
CYNDI LAUPER: GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN
We’ll launch here with the poster child for this particular genre of music (Chick Liberation Jams): Cyndi Lauper. Her legendary dancefloor-magnet “Girls Just Want To have Fun” celebrated its 30 year anniversary two days ago. Cheers Cyndi for putting that FUN in inFlUeNtial.
KATE BUSH: WUTHERING HEIGHTS
It’s Saturday. Put on your doo rag and your sweatpants. Belt this one out on your vacuuming spree or while you bake two dozen muffins and binge eat them. The character from whom this song takes inspiration, Catherine Earnshaw/Linton from the book of the same name, is a willful bitch with an arrogant streak who brings misery upon any man who loves her. Chicks, right? She is fascinating and flawed – like all great female characters. Lyrics can be found here if you’re confused.
WHITNEY HOUSTON: I’M EVERY WOMAN
ANYTHANG U WANT DONE BABY
PORTISHEAD: GLORY BOX
For those of you that just wanna be a woman, no more, no less. Also: “Glory box”? Tee hee vagina!
TLC: NO SCRUBS
A modern classic that will make you want to trample on hearts because you’ll feel like Jesus.
JOJO: LEAVE (GET OUT)
We’re not even playing you guys. Listen to that powerful sting as “LEAVE” echoes. I hope you’re making notes, because pre-pubescent JoJo knows exactly what’s up when it comes to being disrespected. We can all learn from this vital contribution to the pop music canon.
Self-explanatory. But: “I have low self-esteem” said no one ever after this song stopped playing.
ARETHA FRANKLIN: A ROSE IS STILL A ROSE
While ‘Respect’ is the more obvious choice of the Aretha Franklin song catalogue, we went with this soulful jam written by another force of womanhood: tax-evading musical genius Lauryn Hill.
STEVIE NICKS: EDGE OF SEVENTEEN
This one is totally symbolic. Stevie is a white-winged dove and she’s free, free, free. Are you feeling trapped? Liberation is found herein.
LIL MAMA: LIP GLOSS
Shout this in people’s faces and nobody will ever forget who’s Boss.
Let’s extend the list. Shout out your favourite gloriously powerful female anthems in the comment section.
Title Image by Mike Ralston via Getty