We hear a lot about domestic abuse here in Australia, both physical and verbal, but have you ever heard of financial abuse? No? Financial abuse involves one person trying to control, limit or exploit their partner’s hard-won financial independence. And it’s just not on.
Cases of financial abuse might include stealing money, restricting access to bank accounts, questioning spending, avoiding child support or interfering with employment. It can be subtle and easily overlooked or incredibly threatening and demanding. Regardless of tactic, financial abuse remains a powerful way to control a relationship.
Unfortunately, just like other forms of domestic abuse, there’s no rhyme or reason to financial abuse. It’s not restricted to one socio-economic situation, ethnic background, gender or sexual orientation. In other words, abuse doesn’t discriminate. And it doesn’t help that as a society we’re still incredibly awkward when it comes to talking about our financial situations.
That’s why CommBank has decided to shed light on this important topic and provide support to victims and survivors with the launch of Next Chapter, a program that will bring a range of services, support, resources and research to individuals. One of their new initiatives is the Financial Independence Hub – a partnership with Good Shepherd, a leader in financial inclusion products and services, to offer financial coaching and mentoring to help people who have previously experienced financial abuse in their journey to long-term financial recovery. The hub will provide tailored one-on-one coaching sessions, support services and, in some cases, interest-free loans. Regardless of who you bank with. Cool, right? Necessary, right? You know what’s also necessary – learning to spot the red flags in what might be an abusive relationship. Because we don’t stand for any kind of abuse, let alone a kind that literally robs us.
Here are a few hidden warning signs to look out for:
Are you not allowed to see all bills and bank statements?
If you’re not, it’s a red flag. An open and honest relationship involves open and honest communication about finances. Inclusive of all bills, bank statements and investment reports. If you live together and have shared expenses then you have every right to see and understand the paperwork. You deserve that.
Are you being pressured to quit your job?
A sign of financial abuse can be when your partner is pressuring you to leave your job or even interfering with your employment. Perhaps that’s by making unnecessary phone calls while you’re at work or showing up at the office. This kind of behaviour signals control issues and a desire to keep you dependent financially. No bueno.
Are you being made to share your income but they’re not?
This is just flat out no bueno behaviour. You work hard for your money, and any expenses should be split evenly. Actually, if you’re a woman who is dating a man it’s still not technically fair to go 50/50 considering the gender pay gap. But that’s a whole other ball game.
Are you always asked for receipts, change and proof of your spending?
Your spending shouldn’t be monitored. Repeat after me, your spending shouldn’t be monitored. Sure, if you’ve got a serious isolation Amazon addiction and you’re racking up big dollars on useless items purely for the dopamine kick, then your partner has a right to question your spending. But if you went down the street and came back with a smoothie, no one should have to see your receipt.
Are passwords and account numbers held hostage?
Again, this is an issue of freedom and openness. Oh, and trust. Trust is huge in any relationship and it definitely applies to your financial relationship. If you’re not interested in accessing your home loan or paying your bills, that’s cool. Your choice. But if your account passwords are being held hostage then we have a mucho problemo.
Are you being forced to take out loans, debts and credit cards in your name?
Why should your credit history take all the heat? Loans, debts and credit cards are serious business. These sorts of financial transactions should be entered into willingly and fairly. If you’re being forced to sign on the dotted line, help is out there.
Are you being given a tiny allowance?
If your partner is controlling the joint purse strings to the point where you’re receiving an unrealistically tiny spending allowance, this is another red flag.
Your financial stability should be respected by your SO. Got a promotion? Celebrate! Does it come with a pay rise? Hello, financial independence! Guilt, shame and controlling behaviours are not welcome here.
If you’ve been reading this and suspect that your partner or spouse is being financially abusive, there’s help out there – call 1800RESPECT. If it’s an emergency and you’re not feeling safe, always call 000.
