You know what I really love? Free stuff. I know, I know, everybody loves free stuff, but it is truly like heaven to me and I will do whatever I can to get my hands on things for zero dollars.

So, with my birthday less than a month away, I decided to calculate exactly how much stuff I can cop for absolutely nothing.

Most brands offer some sort of birthday “gift”, but as a certified Cheapo, I’m not interested in discount codes and buy-one-get-one-free offers. I just wanted to calculate exactly how much I can get using the “it’s my birthday” card. So, without further ado, here’s a comprehensive list of all of the things you can cop for $0 for your birthday

Sure, you can cop even more freebies if you make the most of the buy-one-get-one-free offers, half price deals and various percentages off you can get on your special day. But let’s be real here, we’re in a recession and maybe you don’t have extra money to spare. Thankfully, there’s a whole heap of stuff you can get without having to spend a cent.

If you play your cards right, you could cop 13 free meals, 7 free drinks, 12 free desserts/snacks, $35 worth of vouchers, a free set of eyebrows and a $1 entry to see some giraffes at the zoo. The actual dollar value varies depending on which meals/drinks you choose, but it’s easily a couple of hundred dollars worth of stuff for literally zero dollars.

me rn

All the Aussie brands offering birthday freebies:

Subway: Free 6-inch sub. Sign-up required. Valued at up to $7.95.

T2 Tea: Free full-sized takeaway cup. Sign up required. Value unknown.

Ali Baba: Free kebab. Sign up required. Valued at up to $11.90

Boost Juice: Free smoothie or juice for Vibe Club members. Valued at up to $7.80.

San Churro: Free churros for two for el Social members. Valued at $16.

Muffin Break: Free muffin during your birthday month. Valued at $4.50.

The Coffee Club: Free coffee. Valued at up to $4.80.

Montezumas: Free main meal. Valued at up to $21.95.

Gloria Jeans: Free drink. Valued at up to $5.60.

Spud Bar: Free spud or salad. Valued at up to $13.60.

Krispy Kreme: 4 pack of Original Glazed doughnuts + free doughnut for signing up. Valued at $10.95.

Mrs Fields: Free cookie. Valued at $1.99.

Baskin Robins: Free scoop of ice-cream. Valued at $7.50.

Lord Of The Fries: Free fries with sauce. Valued at $6.

Jamaica Blue: Free slice of cake. Valued at $6.50.

Chatime: Free bubble tea. Valued at $5.50.

Salsas: Free burrito or bowl. Valued at up to $12.95.

Sumo Salad: Free salad. Valued at $9.95.

Nandos: Free regular meal if you’ve used your membership in the last six months. Valued at up to $16.45.

Noodle Box: Free noodles. Valued at $11.95.

Gelatissimo: Free scoop of gelato. Valued at $5.50.

Gelato Messina: Free scoop of gelato after initial $10 spend on app. Valued at $5.30.

Cold Rock: Free ice cream with one mix-in. Valued at $6.60.

Hungry Jacks: Free whopper. Valued at $7.70.

Oporto: Free Bondi Burger value meal + $5 sign up voucher. Valued at $25.10.

Pancake Parlour: Free sweet pancakes. Valued at $15.

Starbucks: Free drink. Valued at up to $8.

Grill’d: Free drink. Valued at up to $5.50.

Red Rooster: Free meal. Valued at up to $13.50.

Taco Bell: Free meal. Valued at $10.95.

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Wok In A Box: $15 voucher.

Kikki K: $10 voucher – no minimum spend.

JAG: $20 voucher – no minimum spend.

Hoyts: Free small popcorn or choc top. Valued at $8.20.

Taronga Zoo: $1 entry on your birthday.

Benefit Cosmetics: Free brow appointment. Valued at a whopping $34.

Priceline: $5 voucher.

If you make the most of every deal listed above, you can get a whopping $379.19 worth of stuff for the sweet ol’ price of zero dollary doos.

If you know of any more free things I can get for my birthday, please email me because I am cheap as chips: lavender.baj@pedestriangroup.com.au

Image: Fox