You would think that for a device with such a singular and straightforward purpose, it would be hard for a ‘bad’ vacuum cleaner to exist. They do, and they are the worst. Only those who have experienced it can fully understand the pain that comes with moving the head of your vacuum cleaner over a largish piece of dirt over and over, only to see it remain completely immobile, chained to the Earth by the apparently unconquerable power of gravity.

But, similarly, only those who have experienced it can truly appreciate how amazing it feels to advance sufficiently through the world to possess a vacuum cleaner that actually works. It’s heaven. It’s bliss. It’s like gliding through life on ice skates in a world where everyone else is wearing concrete shoes. (If this sounds dramatic you clearly don’t understand how much it sucks to have a terrible vacuum cleaner.)

Unfortunately, the good ones are insanely spenno. Presumably spun from unobtanium, kryptonite, mithril and virgin’s blood, one of the mid-level Dyson vacuum cleaners will put a hole in your wallet the size of Florida, which seems like a huge price to pay for something that enables you to do chores, an objectively bad thing.

There might be another way, though, if the shadowy cabal of powerful minds that is Facebook groups for mums is anything to go by. That way is, of course, Kmart.

According to‘s diligent research into this murky realm, Kmart’s 1200W upright vacuum is an astonishing powerhouse of domestic cleaning technology that is well worth its low, low price of $89.

One mum reckons the Kmart one sucked up an insane load of dust that her Dyson hadn’t even given a moment’s notice to:


“For those who know me I’m a clean freak and vac twice a day with my Dyson stick and then once a week with the upright Dyson.


“The carpets always look clean, but I vacuumed yesterday with the upright Dyson then I did it straight after with the new Kmart Vac … OMG I felt horrified but so satisfied all at the same time!”

Exhibit A:

The Kmart Cult Reckons This $89 Vacuum Is Way Better Than A Dyson

I urge you not to think about how that’s basically hair and skin cells. (Source: Facebook.)


Another mum reported having a very similar experience after getting the Kmart one as an interim solution after her $2,000 one broke (that is too much for a vacuum cleaner, just FYI):

“Brought the Kmart vacuum I’ve seen everyone love on! Fair to say I was shocked and grossed out after I used it today!”


The Kmart Cult Reckons This $89 Vacuum Is Way Better Than A Dyson

Source: Facebook.

A few people have noted that the cord on the vacuum is a bit short but get yourself an extension cable and you’re laughing, mate. If you’ve been meaning to upgrade your vacuum cleaner level, there’s rarely been a better time.

Photo: Kmart.