We’ve all been there – you move in with some randoms – or maybe even mates you love and trust – only to find one of you isn’t really bringing the effort/respectfulness to the share house table.
Maybe your dodgy housemate leaves their dirty dishes in the sink for days. Maybe they play loud music at all hours of the night. Maybe they invite their mates to couch-crash without consulting anyone. Whatever the irritation is, it can be really hard to voice your concerns when you have to face this person on the daily – and it’s even harder if they’re your pal.
Here’s a handy guide to get that convo started, with maximum chances they don’t throw a plate at your head or set fire to your clothes afterward.
HAVE A DESIGNATED PERSON DO IT
Don’t call one of those awful “house meetings” to gang up on this person. They’ll feel, well, ganged up on. And no one responds well to anything when they feel cornered. Instead, have one person broach the subject so it feels more informal. If the issues continue or the person isn’t willing to budge, then it might be time to intervention that sitch.
DO IT IN TEXT
The old adage is to never, ever have serious convos over text. I would argue against that. Texting is the best for scary convos. You can plan what you’re going to say, avoid any inflammatory language (“You’re the laziest bastard to ever exist and I hope you get hit by a bus”) and ensure you clearly communicate your point.
They also have time to read your text essay, digest the awkwardness and embarrassment at being called out, and then respond clearly and concisely. It’s a beautiful thing, this impersonal conversation vehicle we have in the modern age.
In an ideal world they respond with “No worries” but if you find you’re getting into a text war and things heat up – that’s when it’s time to suggest sitting down to chat through the issues.
TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
Not like that – no crying. But instead of voicing your issues via “YOU never do this” and “YOU need to stop doing that”, try the “Music late at night keeps me up and I’m struggling to concentrate at work” or “I feel really awkward when there’s constantly people I don’t know in the house” tack.
Communicating your feelings in response to their behaviour makes it personal – people respond far better to someone saying they’re struggling or hurt by a behaviour than they do if you just point a finger in their face and make them feel crappy.
STAY CALM
If your housemate is particularly well, the absolute worst, you’re likely to start getting riled up mid convo. Try and keep it chill by pausing before responding – that goes for text or in person convos.
Take three deep breaths, or put your phone away for 15 minutes and concentrate on something else before firing off a text. You’re less likely to say things you don’t mean or that’ll just make the situation worse, and more likely to address the actual issue and not just start calling them the spawn of the devil.
CALM THE WATERS AFTERWARD
The issue with bringing up drama in a share house is that after the slightly (or very) intense convo, things can get hell weird. The best thing you can do is give your housemate a bit of space – say, overnight – then mend the bridges subtly via inviting them to watch say, some movie you guys have been meaning to get to or telling them how you ran into a pole today. Just whatever will take the edge off the weird vibes between you two.
