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Valentine’s Day is coming in hot and hard and if you don’t want to sit at a restaurant and watch people make the love-heart eyes emoji at each other then a movie night is in order. If you turn on free-to-air television you’ll probably find such classics as The Notebook and The Fault In Our Stars – both of which are a hard no.

If you’re looking to watch something that doesn’t make you want to scream into the abyss or text your toxic ex, we’ve got the perfect lineup of Valentine’s Day movies. They won’t make you overly randy or overly teary which are two emotions no single person wants to feel on this particular day.

Valentine's Day moves

Full disclosure, a couple of the movies in here do have a traditional ‘happy ending’ but we feel the main character had to go through enough shit to get there so it’s justified, you know? Anyway, it’s time to dig out those chocolate truffles, pour a large G&T and park up on the couch to bask in the glory of these anti-Valentine’s day movies.

Suddenly 30

Valentine's Day movies

There will never be a bad time to watch this movie. If you’re not interested in the love story aspect then you need to watch it solely for the choreographed Thriller dance scene.

Watch it now on Stan.

Kill Bill

Watching Uma Thurman go ham on a bunch of dudes sounds like the perfect way to spend a single Valentine’s Day.

Watch it now on Stan. 

Uptown Girls

Sometimes all you really need is a 9-year old girl to slap some sense into you. This movie really makes the case for unlikely friendships (and why they’re sometimes better than romantic love).

Watch it now on Stan.

How To Be Single

Valentine's Day movies

The holy grail of all single girl films – watch it now, watch it always.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

Romy And Michele’s High School Reunion

Female friendship and chunky platform heels? It’s a yes from us.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

In Her Shoes

Valentine's Day movies

This movie starts with one sister walking in on the other cheating with her boyfriend – in her bed. The rest of the film is about as chaotic as you’d expect.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

The Devil Wears Prada

Let the searing comments of Meryl Streep revive you from your Valentine’s Day funk. Plus, watching women dominate at work and leave their lame partners in the dust is pretty good, too.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

Never Been Kissed

Valentine's Day movies

If you’re keen for a good cringe with a side of heartwarming, wholesome content then this is the movie to watch. A piece of Josie Grossie lives on in all of us.

Watch it now on Disney+.

You Again

Valentine's Day movies

Kirsten Bell returns home for her brothers wedding only to find out he’s marrying her high school bully. The best part? Her tormentor pretends to have no idea who she is. The drama is guaranteed to distract you from any bad V-Day feelings.

Watch it now on Disney+.

The First Wives Club

If you’ve ever gotten together with your friends and plotted revenge on your exes, you’ll love this movie. Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton and Bette Midler are an all-time power trio.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Valentine's Day movies

Ok, as far as breakup horror stories go, this one absolutely takes the cake. Trying to mend your broken heart at the same place your ex and their new lover are staying – strap us right in.

Watch now on Amazon Prime.

Princess Diaries

Valentine's Day movies

Anne Hathaway ruling an entire nation will remind you that you can deal with quite literally anything. Especially that guy who won’t reply to your texts.

Watch it now on Disney+.

27 Dresses

Hideous bridesmaids dresses and the dreamy eyes of James Marsden – just what the doctor ordered.

Watch it now on Disney+.

Bridesmaids

Hilarious. Enough said.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

Someone Great

Valentine's Day movies

If you’re staring down the barrel of an unexpected break-up, this is the only movie to watch.

Watch it now on Netflix.

Eat, Pray, Love

Valentine's Day movies

Sometimes you need to uproot your entire life and go eat pasta in Italy. Okay??

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

The Other Woman

One cheating dickhead + three wildly different women = a chaotic friendship.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

Under The Tuscan Sun

Another cheating ratbag, a ramshackle house in Tuscany and a village of wholesome people – let’s hope this movie heals our broken souls.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

Wild

Valentine's Day movies

Ever been dumped and swore you’d hike Mount Kosciuszko or some other treacherous mountain? Let Reese Witherspoon be your motivation for strapping that hiking pack on.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

He’s Just Not That Into You

Valentine's Day movies

If you’ve ever felt like a fool for sitting by the phone and waiting for his call, chuck this bad boy on. The varying levels of desperation from, well, everyone will make you feel much better.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

Booksmart

Two best friends letting loose before their high-school graduation, it’s like Superbad for the modern woman.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

Little Women

Valentine's Day movies

It may be set in the 1800’s but this is an unholy reminder of how difficult love can be in any era. If anything, it’ll make you feel better about dating in the 21st Century.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

The Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants

Valentine's Day movies

This OG flick was well and truly a cultural rest. And honestly, if you didn’t want to try these magic pants on, then you’re lying to yourself.

Watch it now on Amazon Prime.

If you have any other flicks you religiously watch on Valentine’s Day then be a lamb and let us know.

Image: Forgetting Sarah Marshall