How To Bang On The DL Without Your Housemates Hearing Every Thrust


If you’ve lived in a share house, then you know that untidiness, late rent, and loud sex are all incredibly annoying housemates issues to deal with. But did you know that, when young renters were asked by to put these pet peeves in order, from most to least annoying, loud sex actually was actually deemed more frustrating than late rent?

Yep, noisy banging is not making you any friends – at least, not with your housemates But just because you live in a share house, that doesn’t mean you have to adopt a life of celibacy or resort to only shagging at their place.

Here to help a horny brother/sister out, we’ve compiled a handful of ways you can minimise the amount of noise your co-inhabitants hear when you’re ~getting busy~ in your room.

1. Play that funky music

Aside from helping ‘set the mood’, playing some sick tunes while you do the deed will also drown out any off-putting moans/groans or dirt talk. So why not make use of those speakers your fam bought you for Christmas last year and turn up the volume on that bass-heavy music?

2. Turn on a movie

While you’re not actually going to watch the film, having a movie playing in the room in the background will offer great sound masking. But instead of opting for some kind of mellow rom-com or serious documentary, you’re probably best going down the horror/action route for maximum noise. We’re thinking sword fights, massive battles, lots of screaming: Game of Thrones is PERFECT.

3. Move your headboard away from the wall

If you’ve got your bed pushed right up against the wall then frisky business likely results in moderate frame banging sounds. The good news is that this is a super easy thing to solve.  Simply pull your bed a few centimeters away from the wall or, if your bed is on a hard floor, slip a rug or towel under the bed feet to mute those thumping sounds.

4. Try floor sex

If you’ve tried moving your headboard away from the wall, but the bed springs are still too squeaky, why not ditch the bed entirely and try taking things to the floor? Of course, you can make the prospect of ‘floor shags’ a lot more enticing with a cushy rug/squishy blanket set-up, and it’s not a bad way of spicing things up a little.

5. Whack on the fan

During summer you probably already have the fan or air con blasting on those hot nights but, aside from cooling you down, the white noise will also do wonders for helping cover any suss sounds emanating from your room.

6. Decorate your room with the right materials

If you’ve ever been into a recording studio, you’ve probably noticed that the walls are layered with this thick, spongy material. That’s because fabric absorbs sound. The thicker the fabric, the better it is at muffling sound. You can use the same principle when furnishing your room. Think: Heavy curtains and thick rugs all help to absorb sound, meaning less seeps out through the door. Your new aesthetic? ‘Stroke the furry wall’-vibes.

7. Try covering each others’ mouths

Ok, hear me out: Some people actually get off on tryna keep the noise down, so maybe give this kinky technique a crack? Who knows, you might even get quite into it – making for a classic win/win scenario.