Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck science.
I’ve got good news; I’ve got bad news. I’ll do this in true shit sandwich fashion and start you off with the good.
If you’re anything like the people involved in this study by Cornell University – you’ll be at your lowest weight this week or next.
Bad news? Your weight on the scales is all uphill from here.
As the savages at the New York Times report, your figure will most likely become plumper in the upcoming months, what with food-based festivities like Christmas / Hanukkah / Malkh.
Most folks’ weight peaks around New Years’ Day, and although some fandangle resolutions are made (like to never look at a Krispy Kreme ever again), those extra pounds will stick around for quite a while.
“Anything that happens in these next 10 weeks, on average, takes about five months to come off,” said Professor Brian Wansink of Cornell’s business school.
And we all know what’s gon happen.
How did the researchers come to this dastardly conclusion? Cornell Uni conducted the study (in conjunction with Tampere University of Technology in Finland and Withings, a company that sells health-monitoring devices) which analysed the data from over 2,000 wirelessly-connected bathroom scales. They tracked the weight gain and loss of adults from the US, Japan and Germany – a nice cultural cross-section.
Supposedly, patterns of weight fluctuations were all a little different in each nation, but they all had one thing in common – everyone gained weight in the 10 or so days leading up to their respective holiday seasons.
“Whether it be office parties, whether it be receptions, whether it be your friends’ parties, or it could be you just buying a lot of stuff and eating while you’re preparing things, there’s this real ramp up to almost every holiday,” Professor Wansink said.
What’s more, the people involved in the study are the kind who own the swanky $150 wireless scales – meaning they’re probably the diligent kind when it comes to watching what they eat. In short, the rest of us battlers don’t stand a chance against the succulent roast porks of Xmas.
Professor Wansink’s closing piece of advice?
“Instead of trying to come up with a New Year’s resolution to lose weight, it’s a whole lot better to maybe have an Oct. 1 resolution to gain less in the first place,” he said.
Fat chance, mate. You ever tasted my mum’s sticky date pudding?
Source: New York Times.
Photo: Shallow Hal.
