‘Superfoods’ Are Fkn Spenno So Here Are Some Easy As (Kale) Pie Fallbacks

I’m going to come out and say this right off the bat: ‘superfood’ is nothing but a smug-arse buzzword.
Plain and simple. 
The definition of superfood, according to Google, is “a nutrient-rich food considered to be especially beneficial for health and well-being.”

And plenty of people live and die by them. Every second smoothie has the word ‘superfood’ tacked onto the front, Miranda Kerr no doubt reckons it gave her wings and scientists have even found a way to milk cockroaches for the aforementioned properties.
In reality, the only definitive ‘super’ thing about these foods is their super fucken huge price tag. 
Not one single foodstuff is a shortcut to animorphing into a ripped unicorn capable of shitting bliss balls. Not one.
A Which? report out of the UK found grocery shoppers could save as much as $780 bucks a year by replacing spenno superfoods they were buying with everyday ingredients containing just as many nutrients.
So instead of spending the entirety of your pay-packet at the organic grocer, give these young-person-wage-friendly swapsies a crack.
SWAP GOJI BERRIES FOR SPINACH
Touted for their supposed health promoting benefits like weight loss, higher quality of sleep and better athletic performance, these bright red, wrinkled berries are a popular choice on the health circuit. 

A classic episode of ABC‘s The Checkout points out that one Australian Goji berry supplier even warns consumers not to be surprised if eating the berries causes you to burst out into “infesctious laughter (sic).”
Goji contains Vitamins A, B2, C and iron – as does your everyday spinach leaf. The benefit of spinach? It ain’t loaded with sugar, fam.
Goji packs a punch to your wallet, too. A 150g packet from Woolies will set you back $7.95 – that’s $53 a kg. Spinach on the other hand is only $16.95 per kilo. 
(Writer’s note: I have a health nut friend from high school who used to eat whole packets of dried goji berries in one sitting, and would proceed to fart out the stankiest air biscuits for hours on end.)
SWAP BLUEBERRIES FOR KIWI FRUITS
Both of these fruits contain Vitamin C (super helpful in preventing the common cold) and K.
Bloobs cost close to $5 buckaroonies a punnet (125g) – the same amount it costs to buy 20 kiwi fruits. 
100g of kiwi contains a whopping 11% of Vitamin C, compared with a measly 1% in the same amount of blueberries. They contain the same amount of carbs.
satisfaction levels viewing this gif = high
SWAP COCONUT WATER FOR… REGULAR WATER
Coconut water-truthers believe it to be mother nature’s miracle liquid – a fresh, organic alternative to sports drinks like Gatorade for it’s supposed electrolyte-boosting qualities.
here come dat revelation
A 2012 study published in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Nutrition got 12 men to drink bottled water, pure coconut water, distilled coconut water and an electrolyte-based sports drink after 60-min goes on the treadmill. All of the men found themselves adequately hydrated by all the drinks – but the ones drinking the coconut water reported bloating.
Water is your mate. Doesn’t get cheaper or much better for you than water.
SWAP KALE FOR BROCCOLI

Without a doubt, kale is the kween of the superfood land. 
Exactly how the obscure cabbage came to be so wildly popular is widely debated, but the health-conscious froth on it, hard.

Kale retails for $3 per bunch at Coles, which ain’t too bad. Until this happens: 

In the event of a prolonged kale shortage, try good old broccoli. It’s got 30% less calories than kale and it’s harder to stuff up the cooking process. Just steam those bad boys and off you go.
SWAP AVOCADO FOR RAW NUTS
Kidding. Avocado is life. Ain’t nobody got time for swapsies – there’s always room in the budget for an avo.
Source: Which.
Photo: Pressed Juicery / instagram.

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