2019 is turning out to be one sexy year.
In the span of only a few months, we’ve already witnessed Will Smith gyrating on the floor, Fraser Anning head-butting an egg and Matt Preston continuing to deliver dick-tingling Instagram content – yes, I took it there.
Despite all this horniness being emitted into the air, though, are you feeling like your sex drive could use a little extra revving?
If libido can be symbolised as an ever-lubricated, overflowing water slide, are you driving down a long, dusty road without any petrol in the tank and with no BP in sight? *Cue tumbleweed*
Well, you’re not alone – according to certified Auckland sex coach Teddy Curle, anxiety surrounding one’s libido is a common experience, and this can often be attributed to the messages we’re exposed to on a daily basis.
“Our media is soaked with conflicting messages about sex, both positive and negative,” says Teddy.
“We receive religious and cultural messages about all sex being morally wrong, while also being told it’s necessary to a healthy relationship and [that] everyone should want to be shagging all the time. It’s no wonder we’re left wondering if we are too horny, not horny enough or just right.”
Performance anxiety, Teddy notes, can also play a major role in contributing to a low libido, “with the worry about lack of desire or disappointing a partner compounding the negative feelings around sex.”
To improve the general level of erotic energy in your life, Teddy suggests, you should be looking to prioritise your sexual relationship with your own self. “Masturbation is proven to have a myriad of health benefits including improved sleep and lower stress levels. It’s also a great way to build your desire and stay in touch with your sexual self.”
“Take care of your general health; if your diet and exercise is compromised, so is your libido. The same goes for mental health – it’s hard to feel sexy when you aren’t feeling great to begin with.”
This makes sense – after all, in the wise words of RuPaul, “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
According to Teddy, everyone’s libido is naturally different, but stress can often stem from the comparison of your sex drive – or lack thereof – to those around you. “Our anxieties are often focused around “shoulds” and how sexual we think we should feel. Once they have been given permission to own their level of sexual desire, they can then decide if they truly want to change it or increase it.”
If a client wants to kick their sex drive into gear, Teddy often starts by asking them to fill their ‘feed’ with sexy content:
“Just like Facebook feeds, we can curate what we watch on TV, what music we listen to, what books we read and what podcasts we download. If you start including more sexual content, your level of overall erotic energy will increase, especially as you start finding your niche of what you like.”
“Try going to a burlesque show or taking up a class yourself! Read some erotica or watch racier TV shows – True Blood, Game of Thrones, Sex Education – to get your mental track shifted.”
If anything, Teddy’s insights highlight the fact that there are so many tools and exercises out there to help you starting feeling your oats again. So prioritise your masturbation, focus on that precious mental health of yours, and make sure to spend some time and money on yourself. Indulge, if you will.
Perhaps even try a lil’ Horny Goat Weed to get you going. Treat yo’self – sex should be about pleasure and exploration, after all.