Remembers lolly bags you’d get for going to someone else’s birthday as a kid? It was the best. Musk stick galore.

We obviously don’t get a prize or being the anti-houdini anymore, just the gift of behavioural regret and binge-watching FOMO. However, if you go to the right events, you do cop a gift bag of sorts – some are shit, some not so shit.

Let’s talk the latter.

Should you grace us with your presence at our self-care event, Selfish Saturday, this Saturday Feb 22nd at Melbourne’s The Timber Yard, you’ll walk away with a whole bunch of goodies, from frangas (why hasn’t the government made these free yet?) to cucumber eye masks and choccies for all your self-love needs. At time of writing there’s still some tix available here.

Check out what’ll be included in the gift bag (worth more than $100) with the $50 ticket below, in addition to a full-day of mind-stimulation and entertainment from social media sensations Alex Hayes and Tully Smyth, environmentalist Laura Wells, comedy duo Double Denim, sexologist Chantelle Otten and more:

  • Free download of Flex Mami‘s Full Time Flex Manifestation book
  • Sportsgirl Cool Cucumber Eye Pads
  • Lifestyles lube & condoms
  • Remedy Kombucha
  • 15% off your next pair of Modibodi pants
  • $30 Mimi Kini swimwear voucher
  • 1 x month upgrade for dating app Helium
  • $25 off your next Good Pair Days box
  • Cadbury Creme and Caramel Eggs
  • Shelby’s Dipped & Dusted Almonds
  • Almo Naturals Chamomile Almond Milk

PLUS:

  • 4 x Cocktail tokens for The House of Angostura bar on the day
  • 4 x Cocktail tokens for the Cuervo Spritz Club on the day

Want more? Of course you do. You can play a mix of games – like table tennis and vibrator races – to win free prizes throughout the day, including:

  • Lovehoney 50 Shades Of Grey Bullet Vibrators
  • Havaianas thongs
  • Swarovski earrings
  • Custom caps by Helium
  • Open Air Cinema double passes for you and your mate

OK, if that’s somehow not enough to get your tushies to the event this Saturday from 10am to 8pm, below’s the full lineup and schedule one last time. (Did I mention Ciarran Stott is modelling for the nude life drawing classes? I’d pay way more than $50 for that alone tbh.)


TICKETS HERE. TICKETS HERE. TICKETS HERE. GET EM’ WHILE THEY’RE HOT TICKETS HERE.

See y’all there after a glorious morning of masturbating.

Image: Superbad