It’s a tough world out there for a Gen-Y, namely ’cause substances are coming at us like – let’s use an apt simile here – weed to RiRi.

How To Power Through When You’re Filthy-Hung Too Early Into The Long W/E

Similarly, our mates are coming at us just as strong to “go to hard or go home” while we still can, ’cause apparently we’re going to be poppin’ ’em (infants) out faster than we care to admit.

BUT – and there is a huge BUT – some of us are that weakling/pussy friend that can’t man up and get it done all day erry day come a long weekend, no matter how hard said pals twist your leg.

How To Power Through When You’re Filthy-Hung Too Early Into The Long W/E

The struggle is real, and, let’s be honest, will probably still exist whether or not you follow our below advice or not, but it’s worth a try. You’ll thank us at some point for easing the kick-on process.

Here’s what your fellow peeps are doing to power through, so blame them – *cough* not P.TV *cough* – if you can’t bender on with the best of them after applying their tried-and-tested methods.

ALCOHOLIC MIXERS

Bloody Mary

Any true bender-er knows about this one – the tomato-juice cocktail with a fresh celery stick plopped in. For anyone who doesn’t like tomatoes it’s fucking horrendous, but, as as for everyone else, apparently it’s heaven regardless of where you are on your munted journey.

‘Gramming nomad of The Endless Honeymoon Joseph Faggion says:

The key to a decent Bloody Mary is always loads of Tabasco – it needs to be a slap in the face to do its job properly – balanced out a bit taste-wise by some smoked paprika. Chuck in some vitamins from the tomato juice, bit of vodka and some veggies to munch on and you’re set.

Coke

Whether rum, gin, vodka etc is your hard-liquor of choice, mixing it with coke – sorry, COCA COLA – is always a good option.

The fizz will help the nausea, and the caffeine and sugar hit will make you feel like less of a party shitter. For that reason, don’t go Diet or Zero unless it’s absolutely necessary. Rumour is, Macca‘s coke is best for the syrupy flavour that will help with ashtray mouth.

Energy Drink

DrinkAware UK says, “Energy drinks can mask the effects of alcohol, and make you ‘Wide awake drunk’.” We really don’t think we need to say much more, except for the fact that, in excess, energy drinks mixed with alcohol can mess you up big time.

How To Power Through When You’re Filthy-Hung Too Early Into The Long W/E

Have one or two to get you back on that horse then do as you will. JAGER BOMBS FOR ALL! Lol, jks, we live in Australia.

NUTRIENTS

Alright alright, we all know that a fuck-off big feed will have you feeling up and at ’em, but below’s the stuff that will actually benefit your health. God knows you fucking need it if you’re going to keep going for a couple more days. Plus, you’ve probably already missed more meals than you care to remember.

Bananas

If you have one thing in this shape over the weekend, make it a banana. It’s got sugar in the form of fructose, plus potassium, which you lose shitloads of when you drink. Sort ‘dem levels.

They’re also a natural antacid which will help with the nausea, and high in magnesium to help relax the pounding blood vessels causing that bitch of a headache.

How To Power Through When You’re Filthy-Hung Too Early Into The Long W/EBerocca

Berocca will get that Vitamin B for energy, plus Zinc, Vitamin C, Calcium and Magnesium, back in your system, while also hydrating you with the water it’s mixed with, obvi. Extra points if you’re a together-enough person to down it before you start boozing.

Anything Greasy

God knows why – but it works. We know it can be hard for some to get more than a bite in on a bender, but power through and have as much as you can for a reboot of those energy levels.

Gatordade/Powerade

Rehydrate. Replenish. Refuel. Typically a sports drink, but long weekends are marathons in themselves. You’re excused.

MORAL SUPPORT

Whether it’s someone peer pressuring you or someone to pat you on the back with a motivating “You can do it”, someone to push you through the pain is bloody mandatory.

Who’s got that friend Charlie who always whips them into shape, or Molly who always gets them in the mood that night, but can be a Debbie downer the next morn? Pals are good, mmmkay?

ER, PERFORMANCE ENHANCERS

We know you didn’t think we were gonna give you all natural remedies. Just like Lance Armstrong some of us need some help to deliver our best selves.

Plenty of us have a lil’ vice to keep us moving whether it’s codeine, Hydralyte, Panadol, Asprin/Aspro Clear – or something wildly more expensive in a sachet. Hey, no judgement here.

ENERGY EXERTERS

Having a swim in the ocean (a pool or cold shower work too), going for a run or havin’ a hot bath to release sweat can help. Also, wanking relentlessly. Give it a go. We’re not stopping you, or starting you for that matter either.

NOW HARDEN UP AND HAVE ANOTHER TINNIE YOU KENTS.

HAPPY LONG WEEKEND. 🙂

How To Power Through When You’re Filthy-Hung Too Early Into The Long W/E

Image: Jersey Shore