While it should come as no surprise, Gwyneth Paltrow‘s latest foray into collecting money off yuppies is excessive.
The GOOP founder is planning a one-day wellness festival, to be held in Los Angeles on June 10, that’ll supposedly bring the lifestyle brand’s “most requested and shared wellness content to life”.
i don’t know what that means either 🙂
The ‘In Goop Health’ conference will feature crystal therapy, aura photography, sound baths, flower remedies, as well as I.V. drips.
How much will a ticket to the lame cult festival set you back?
Admission via the bog-standard, base rate “Lapis” ticket will cost you $500USD per person. You’ll have access to the food hall that features fare from Moon Juice (the folk that brought you Sex Dust) and Ancolie, the restaurant that only serves things in jars.
For $1,000USD, you’ll acquire the “Amethyst” pass, which will allow you to elevate yourself above the great unwashed, drink a cocktail with GP herself and participate in a “session” with A-list nutritionist / yogi / masseuse Lauren Roxburgh.
But to be honest, it’s probably not worth going unless you’ve splurged on the $1,500USD “Clear Quartz” pass* (that’s $1990AUD, FYI). Green light this daylight robbery and you’ll get valet parking, a curated lunch with Gwyneth (and like, 1000 others) and some other undisclosed goodies. *At time of writing, these tickets are all sold out. Jesus.
The only semi-redeemable thing about this whole festival is that Lena Dunham, Cameron Diaz and Nicole Richie are slated to make appearances. Still, that’s a big price to pay for a gander at some celebs.
If you’re actually considering going to this, but you have no idea what to wear, the FAQ page gifts us this pearler which totally encapsulates the mood of the upcoming event:
“Plan to wear what you’ll be most comfortable in. Some form of athleisure attire likely makes the most sense, particularly if you’re going to participate in activities like foam rolling (not really conducive to LBD’s).”
A room full of athleisure-wearing bourgies. I think I’ll wait for hell, at least it will cost less.
Source: Eater.
Photo: Layne Murdoch Jr. / Getty.
