Alright if you guys need some pointers on surviving the silly season, you’ve definitely come to the right place – I’ve been having back-to-back silly seasons for a solid seven years now (problem?).
While my body may be like that of a cockroach, most of you peasants have regular bodies that eventually do need quite extensive care to you know, live. So, seeing as it’s that time of the year where everybody becomes a wee bit neglectful, I’ve put some pretty steadfast guidelines together to make sure everyone comes out the other side scathe and infection-free.
LEARN TO SAY NO
The ability to decline invitations to anything is a valuable asset to have, especially in a time where people are starting to throw gender reveal parties for their pets.
If you notice your calendar filling up ridic quick, you have two options: you can either say yes to everything and guarantee your body’s imminent destruction, or you can choose to only go to the most important events and keep your liver and your mind in tip-top working order. Not to mention you’ll save on coin if you avoid hitting the booze every third day.
I know first-hand that after a big social gathering/work event/Friday, the last thing you feel like doing is leaving the comfort of your bed to clean yourself – laying in your own filth is usually self-inflicted punishment for treating your organs like filth.
The thing is that almost everything’s better after a good ol’ shower – you’re more optimistic, you’re clean but most of all you avoid getting hygiene-related infections like a UTI. I mean look, if you do get a UTI it’s not all doom and gloom and they can occur for a number of reasons, but if you do get one just down a glass of Ural to relieve that painful, burning situation when you wee.
DON’T EAT LIKE CRAP 24/7
Put down the pitchforks, I’m not about to go on a ‘takeaway is the #1 killer’ rant, as I too have an affinity for food that makes me question life immediately after consumption.
What you do have to be wary of though is that eating too much bad food can make you feel even worse than that hangover you’re probably sporting. Chow down on the occasional burger when you’re feeling worse for wear but try to counteract it with some decent, preferably non-fried grub so your insides don’t riot.
MAKE AN EMERGENCY KIT
With a little planning, you can usually survive bulk social engagements with items you can find within arm’s reach of your bedside table – just make sure you buy all of it beforehand.
For your convenience, I’ve included some of the most common side-effects of the silly season with an accompanying item to remedy them:
- Hangover – water and painkillers
- Post-party regret – chocolate & pictures of dogs
- Diminished savings – an emergency $50 note hidden in your drawer
- Frailness – protein drink
- Peeing pain – Cranberry flavoured Ural (or a GP if it persists)
- Cuts and bruises – bandaids and muscle ointment
- Lack of energy – pre-made instant coffee in a mug (cold)
You’ll be raring to go in no time.
SET SOME TIME ASIDE FOR YOURSELF
Even though you’re probably running around like a headless chook for most of the time, it’s important that you have some downtime. I mean sure, looking after your body’s important – especially if you’re treating it like a turd – but don’t forget about your mental health too.
The silly season is super fun but it’s also stressful as hell. Look after yourselves, party animals.