Bey’s Wellness Empire Gets Swoller With Low-Cal, Cold-Pressed Juice

Beyonce drops album.

Album is called Lemonade.

Lemonade is a drink.

Beyonce invests in drink.

Drink is not lemonade.

No, but really. 

Beyoncé has just invested in WTRMLN WTR – a low-calorie, cold-pressed watermelon concoction stocked at Costco and Whole Foods stores over in the US. With two female co-founders in Jody Levy and Harlan Berger, it was a natural choice for the queen.

A photo posted by WTRMLN WTR (@wtrmlnwtr) on May 3, 2016 at 1:37pm PDT

“I invested in WTRMLN WTR because it’s the future of clean, natural hydration; as partners, we share a simple mission to deliver accessible wellness to the world,” Beyonce said in a statement. “This is more than an investment in a brand, it’s an investment in female leaders, fitness, American farmers, and the health of people and our planet.”

Foxy Cleopatra‘s empire portfolio of brands is growing exponentially, with the recent launch of her activewear line Ivy Park being just one astute investment. For context, Forbes estimates her profits last year were around the fifty-four-fucking million mark.

The clear Illuminati-ness of this story does not stop there, though. No no.

Beyonce’s hit ‘Drunk In Love‘ features the line, “I’ve been drinking, watermelon.”

“…And?” you sarcastically spray. Well, that song was released the day the infantile start-up that was WTRMLN WTR was signed by Whole Foods.

That is all.