A wise man once said, “The more you squat, the rounder your bot bot.”
That wise man doesn’t actually exist, and I made that quote up, but it’s true nonetheless. Squats are one of the most classic, comprehensive exercises you can do, as they work pretty much every muscle in your flesh prison.
Before we scooch down into the variations, what are the benefits of the exercise?
+ It’s considered a ‘functional exercise’, which means that it’ll help your body to every day activities more efficiently, like carrying in the shopping or cleaning the house in lightening speed.+ It increases your mobility and balance.+ By getting the blood pumping and your abdominal muscles engaged, they can even assist in getting your faecal matter down your poo pipe. Nice!
Plus, you’ve got a pretty good chance of going from THIS:
To THIS:
ooooomph
BASIC SQUAT
It’s basic, it’s classic and it’s a good idea to master this puppy before moving into any fancy pants iterations.
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Keep your back in a neutral position (so you’re not flaying your butt out, or tucking the peaches in too tight) and breathe in as you slowly bend your knees, lowering your hips until you reach a 90-degree angle to the floor.
Breathe out as you return to standing position, and make sure those pesky knees don’t track over your feet at any point – this is real bad for your joints.
You just did a squat, son.
SUMO SQUAT
All the women in the above video are smiling, but once you’ve had your fair share of sumo squats you’ll more likely be grimacing like the devil’s son himself.
This variation puts more emphasis on working your butt as well as your inner-thighs.
PLYOMETRIC SQUAT
The most EXPLOSIVE of all squats, the plyometric is a fun* one!
It’s important to make sure you’re not landing heavily when you come back down – this puts too much pressure on your joints. Explode up, land gracefully down.
*difficult, sweat-dripping-down-your-ballsy and huffing like a pubescent pig in heat.
WALL SQUAT
You don’t need a vid for this one – it’s the basic squat but this time, it’s against a wall. Instead of lifting back up the standing position straight away, you stay in the squat position until you fatigue.
It’s a ripper for building isometric strength and endurance in ye glues, quadriceps and calves.
NEGATIVE SQUAT
The same as the reg squat, except you reverse the speed at which you do it. Instead of lowering slowly and rising fast, you come down at a normal pace, and rise up veeeeeery slooooowly.
EAGLE SQUAT
If you’ve done a bit of yoga in your time, you’ll be familiar with this one. It takes a lot of balance, and patience, as you stay in the pose for as long as you can without falling flat on that face of yours.
PISTOL / ONE LEG SQUAT
Ho boy, this is hard. This is some advanced shit right here.
how u doing that!
The crème de la crème of the squat world, in this humble writer’s opinion. It takes supreme balance, agility and skill to master and execute the pistol. If you’re willing to attempt, it’s best to start with the assistance of a TRX or a pole to steady yourself with at the gym.
And if you’re a straight-up nutbag, you can even counterweight the exercise. Sinch.
Now go and chase those squat-based dreams.
Photo: Anaconda / pedestrian.tv.
