I just finished the exhausting process that was moving in with my boyfriend, and am now in dire need of a lie down, one of those people who deliver grapes on a platter and fan you with fronds, and a goddamn hug.
We’ve technically been living together unofficially for longer, but let me tell you that things CHANGE when it’s actually an official thing. And it’s more than just rearranging all your shit to make it all fit in one bedroom (Marie Kondo you’re my hero).
I feel like I should preface this by being all corny and reassuring you that I’m super happy with this decision and I love the dude, but let me tell you — moving in together really does shake up the whole dynamic.
Here’s a few things you’ll probably deal with when you move in with your partner.
You’ll have front-row seats to all the gross shit they do
Noxious farts. Leaving stray shaven hair in the bathroom. Wearing the same thing three days in a row. Blowing their nose on unwashed laundry because “it’ll get washed anyway so who cares”. Body odour. Random piles of clutter.
You will likely experience all of these things and more when you finally live with your partner and are shacking up in the same room. And they’ll cop you doing the same. Because you should be comfortable, right? Both of you. The urge to surreptitiously duck into the bathroom for a sneaky toot flies out of the window — it’s your house too, mate. There’s no hiding it.
And it becomes something totally normal to talk about. My boyfriend and I have had multiple conversations were he (at length) bemoans the fact that his farts make noise and mine don’t. Apparently that’s unfair. You know what’s unfair? War and famine. Meanwhile, a silent toot never hurt anybody.
You’ll bump uglies a lot, then not a lot, then a lot, in an endless cycle
Note: Apologies to my parents and my boss for having to read this.
Remember the early days of the relationship, when you were literally craving sex constantly? The slightest glance would give you fanny flutters and have you ready to go the second you walk through the door? Yeah, you’ll probably cop that when you first move in together.
But you’ll also both be exhausted from the actual moving in process, which means you’ll probably be too tired to manage. And suddenly there’s a whole new element to deal with: knowing that you can just… do it another day. There’s all the time in the world.
And then you’ll get all horny again and have sex all the time. Then you won’t. It’s a weird balance. Bottom line? Try not to put off getting off for too long. People have needs, y’know.
ahem, sorry Dad.
You’ll hear EVERYONE’S opinion about it
No matter how long you’ve been together, you will be inundated with everyone’s thoughts on whether or not you should be moving in together — yes, even after you already have. I had one girl tell me, “Oh that’s a huge mistake,” a week after we’d carted all our stuff into the new place. Great timing, mate.
Don’t get me wrong, some people will be super supportive. Family should back you in the end regardless of what they think of the situation, but we’ve been fortunate that both our sets of parents have been wonderful with it.
Another fun fact: you’ll probably lose contact with people who were holding out for you to break up with said partner, because now they realise they aren’t going away. To these people, I say a big ol’ good riddance and wish them good fortune as they kindly piss off.
don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
You’ll clash about what the place should look like
When you’re crashing at each other’s houses in the beginning, you don’t have any kind of say in the decor. You say “thank you kindly” when they offer you a drawer (if you’re lucky), but you don’t get a say in whether gigantic Star Wars posters are appropriate for a mutual living space (I really like Han Solo and I miss that poster, okay).
But when you live together, compromise is the buzzword of the goddamn century. They need a thousand dollar new mattress for their back, while you could sleep on a stone floor and be fine? Make it work. It’s all down to mutual understanding — and yes, letting go of that stubbornness. If I have to, you do too. I mean it.
Oh and you’ll probably also have a bunch of big picture ideas of how the place should look (“let’s have an entire wall of curtain fairy lights!”), and then put them off for forever and forget all about them until you’re ready to move out again. It’s fine.
I miss him.
You’ll have to deal with each other’s frustration and venting
I spent a whole night assembling a desk that came with instructions that were entirely in Chinese. One page of confusing illustrations, approximately five different types of screws, no details. Hours of trying to avoid the foamy bits from the box going all over the room like squeaky snow.
I take after my mother, in that I take a sick thrill in assembling furniture. So I cannot simply WATCH someone else do it. Especially not when I’m entirely convinced that I’m doing it the right way and he’s doing it the wrong way, despite (and I cannot stress this enough) NEITHER OF US could understand the instructions.
It’s one of those situations where you have to just take a fuckin’ chill pill (me @ me), because your partner doesn’t deserve that barrage of frustration. Don’t take it out on them, don’t boss ’em around, and don’t wind up issuing instructions like Christy Carlson Romano in the classic Disney film, Cadet Kelly.
remember the days of those headbands?
Ultimately, moving in with your partner can be fun, scary and exciting, but it’s also a big change and you’ll have to be adaptable. Dealing with humans can be tricky, and dealing with a human you love can be even trickier.
But if you’re both ready to take the step and make it work, why not give it a crack? And for what it’s worth, regardless of the farts and the frustration, moving in together is still easily one of the best decisions I’ve made all year.
Even if he does steal the popcorn and blanket.Image: Vampire Diaries